I’m writing to you because I’ve been talking to so many women over the last several weeks and some things I heard really moved me to tears.
Another story came to mind, and I want to share it with you. It’s a story of:
Betrayal, Abandonment, Depression, Alcohol, Suicide.
She was home, with a baby on her hip, while her husband was in Vegas working. She raced to the phone not wanting to miss a call from him, but the call went to voicemail before she had a chance to pick it up. As she replayed the message the room began to spin, her heart was racing, and she almost dropped the baby.
She was disappointed to hear Andrew’s voice on the other end of the line and not her husband’s. Andrew was his friend calling to say that he’s sorry he missed him in Vegas and hoped to connect next time he was in town.
The sickening thing about the message was that her husband had been unavailable many times over the last 3 days in Vegas because he was “busy” catching up with Andrew. But it was clear now that Andrew wasn’t the reason he was “busy.”
All of the sudden it became CRYSTAL CLEAR. She had felt something; she was sure of it, and she just hadn’t been able to put her finger on it. And now she knew. There was another woman.
She collapsed on the floor and broke out in a sweat. The baby was crying, her son who was 9 asked, “What’s wrong Momma?”
“Nothing honey,” she said, voice trembling. “Everything is fine.”
Nothing was fine; in fact, she felt like nothing would ever be fine again.
Looking at her two children and the concern on their sweet faces she pushed all feelings down deep, she buried her intuition; she shoved it in a corner in her mind where she hoped she would never have to feel it again.
Betrayal. Abandonment. Another woman. She was in despair and saw no way out. So she stayed.
The next few years are a blur. Alcohol to suppress the “knowing” which tumbled into depression. The joy gone. The life drained out of her. She just felt empty and unable to access any feelings except anger. That was one emotion that seemed to be available. Quick to anger now she yells at the kids, overreacts at the grocery store and becomes hostile at the slightest offense.
“How did this become my life?” “Who am I?” She asked herself.
Her husband called after 1 am from an art gallery opening saying he can’t drive, and there are no cabs. “Be home as soon as possible”.
She snapped. She called her neighbor to sit with the kids and jumped in her car and drove along the coast in the dark of night. She was irrational, triggered and in so much pain she just wanted to end it all. She drove high up on the coastal cliffs; the moon was bright in the sky illuminating the ocean. She suddenly had a thought. “Just gun it. Just sail the car into the ocean, and you won’t ever have to feel anything again.” For a frozen moment in time, it seemed like a good plan.
Then a blessed flickering of light somewhere off in the distance brought her back to the moment, and she pulled over. Reality hit her. She looked in the rearview mirror and saw her daughter’s car seat. She cried. Deep wrenching sobs. She doesn’t have answers; she doesn’t know what to do, but she can’t do this.
9 years go by.
Recovery. Like Humpty Dumpty putting the pieces back together. One painful step at a time she began to shift. The darkness lifted. She worked on herself. Loved HERSELF. She healed.
I have heard so many stories like this from women. They are zombies’ who have given up. They are stuck in abandonment, stuck in anger, stuck in depression, for years, for decades. A lifetime.
But it doesn’t have to be this way.
I would know. That woman in the story that thought about driving her car off the cliff was me.
Why am I writing you this?
Because I went from considering suicide, to completely healing, to an opening to love and to finally finding a man who adores me and shows me that every single day.
I learned that while my marriage may not have lasted, it taught me a lot (and gave me two AMAZING children, too!). And I could take those lessons and make my next relationship stronger, knowing what I really wanted. Besides, I now had the FREEDOM to shape the rest of my life into what I wanted it to be, unconstrained by anyone else.
Life changes don’t have to send us into crisis mode. But I see it over and over in my work.
Beautiful, gifted women telling themselves things like:
It’s too late to make a big change. That ship has sailed.
Men these days want someone 20 years younger than me!
Or, Men are not attracted to me, I don’t measure up.
Why start over and risk being disappointed again? (Ugh, that one drives me crazy because I am living proof that starting over can be the best thing that ever happens to you!)
That’s why I created the Inner Circle Program.
My work is created on the foundation of this belief: That EVERY WOMAN DESERVES THE LIFE and LOVE of THEIR DREAMS – at ANY AGE!
If your Dating and Relationship Strategy is mainly just “guesswork,”… And if you want confidence that the steps you’ll take will definitely show you how to find, and keep, the kind of love you desire – and DESERVE..
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