Relationships always begin with a connection; but to get committed, you have to emotionally connect with your partner. How do you achieve that? Jaki shares the secrets to emotionally connect with a man, especially as you age. Learn some tips on how you can continue to turn yourself and your relationship up.
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3 Secrets To Emotionally Connect With Men
I’m excited about connecting with you. We are talking about these secrets that you need to know so that you can emotionally connect with a man. When you make an emotional connection with a man, that’s how you get a commitment. It’s not until you emotionally connect that you can get a commitment from a man because they don’t make commitments over a sexual connection. You want to push for and look for and explore creating that emotional connection with a man. That’s exciting to do.
Keep It Sexy
The best way to connect to a man on an emotional level is to keep it sexy. Keeping it sexy means keeping light. Keeping it playful and keeping it fun. It’s important to not go to the end of the story and not to attach to an outcome. As soon as we start to attach to an outcome of how we want it to turn out, then we lose our place in the present. The present is where all our power is. You can’t be playful and fun and happy when you’re thinking about the past or worrying about the future. You have to make the moment sexy and fun for him. We all know men love sex. Women do too but men want it sexy. They want to feel alive, especially middle-aged men. They want to feel that they still have it going on.
A lot of the reason why men go through a midlife crisis is that they feel like they are not desirable to women anymore. They don’t feel that they got it or the women don’t look at them in the same way. That explains a lot of why I’m encouraging not necessarily to sexually objectify yourself, that’s not what I’m saying at all. It’s just that as we age, we tend to stop turning it up too because maybe our estrogen levels are dipping and we just don’t feel like it. If we want a man, you have to learn to emotionally connect with him and we all want to feel alive and men especially want too.
Here are some ways you can do that. Clean out your closet. Get rid of the old lady clothes. First of all, we can dress differently now as we age. You don’t have to start dressing a certain way as your grandmother did. You can personally dress like me. I’m 54, so I’m going to have a whole training about aging. I’m excited about dating in your 50s and beyond and if you should lie about your age and all of that. I’m excited to cover that topic. It’s not feeling like you have to stop dressing the way that you did when you were 40 and even 30. Our hemlines come down and maybe we’re wearing a long-sleeved shirt if you’re more comfortable with that, but I definitely think you need a great bra. You need to get those girls up and together and get them on the same page because they’re beautiful and you’re beautiful. Use your assets. Make sure that you’re dressing according to your look but that it’s hip, it’s fun and essential and it will turn the men on. When I had my online dating profile, I had a pink blouse, a pop of color because men love that. I had a pair of jeans on one of the pictures and I had a long-fitted dress on. I dressed more hip like I did when I was at 40. I haven’t changed that.As soon as we start to attach an outcome of how we want our relationships to turn out, we lose our place in the present. Click To Tweet
In fact, I went through my closet and I noticed I started getting a little frumpy. I was like, “What’s happening to me?” That’s why I did the highlights on my hair. I was getting dark. I was like, “I’m going to go into this dark look, but it made me look older.” My daughter told me that. She said I looked like Elvira. I love Elvira but I don’t necessarily want to look like her. I want to look like me, only brighter. I did the highlights and it brightened up my look. I’m not saying you have to even go get a highlight but maybe consider it. Maybe you want to brighten up your look with a new look. You can get some new makeup or skin tone change. The time of year change. What you wore in the winter in terms of makeup and hair needs to change for the summer. Keeping it sexy is helpful.
As we get older, we want to have fun. We want to have a fun relationship. We want to smile and laugh more and men are looking for that especially if they’ve been married before. You all heard me say that but just a little reminder. Sometimes you need to be reminded of the simplest steps over and over again until we got it. That’s the secret number one to creating an emotional connection. It’s being fun and playful and throwing in a little sexiness. This shirt isn’t revealing anything, but it’s sexy in its own way. You can look at your wardrobe, clean out your closet and get up to speed with getting rid of everything that is frumpy. Only keep the things that you feel good at and just re-wear those. If it’s not in your spending plan to get some new clothes, just go through your closet and streamline it so that when you go to reach for something, only the best stuff is there.
The next thing is physical touch. Physical touch is important to men. They want to put their hands on you. At the beginning of dating, that’s not necessarily appropriate. However, when you are dating, you can reach up and touch your man’s forearm. You can put your hand on their shoulder and even picking a piece of lint off his shirt is intimate. That is a very intimate gesture. Only women and men that are having a connection would do that. If you are sitting there with a man and he has a little piece of lint, you reach up and get that for him. That’s a very intimate act and it’s a physical connection. As you start dating, holding hands, putting your hand around his shoulder, his waist and seeking his hand out. If he’s not affectionate, then you can be affectionate. I love affectionate. My husband, what he does to me that I love is that he swats me on the butt quite a bit. I like that. It’s not a hard swat, but he gives me a little pat. It’s fun. Michael is very affectionate and so am I. We have a lot of fun playing and being very physical. Don’t be afraid to do that.
Be Interested In His Interests
Play with his hair. When you’re on a date, get your hand back there. Men loved to have their scalp rubbed too. If I had my fingers in my husband’s scalp, he goes crazy for that. If you’re dating a man, give him a nice scalp massage. He will love that. Physical touch is important to create that emotional connection. Another secret is to be interested in his interests. Even if you’re not interested in those things, you can certainly be interested in them because he is. That’s what the interest level comes from. You’re like, “I never thought ice hockey was that big of a deal but my husband loves it. Now, I love ice hockey.” It’s fun to watch. It’s a little bit of a brutal sport. Sometimes I have to cover my face but that’s just me. I’m not saying you need to do what I’m doing. I’m just giving you real-world examples because they’ll help you connect.
Show Respect, Admiration, And Appreciation
If your guy is up in his head and he’s an engineer or maybe he’s a nerd and he likes to do certain things that come along with that, then go for that. “I want to know all about it,” because maybe there’s something there that you will find interesting. The fact that you showed interest in what he’s interested in, he starts to see you as an equation in his life. He starts to put you together in a future scenario with him. You might become interested in those topics because he is. That will be another way to create that emotional connection. That was already three things but I’m going to keep going because I have more here on my list. This is the big one. Show respect, admiration and appreciation. It sounds like this is all about the guys. I’m like, “Jaki, all you’re saying is all about the men.” You want to be in a committed relationship that leads to a commitment or marriage like what I wanted.
I’m willing to do and I was willing to do what it takes to have what I want and frankly, we all love compliments. We all love to be appreciated and noticed and witnessed. Start practicing that now on your date so that when you meet a man, it’s automatic. You are automatically doing that. I do it about every little thing that Michael does. I can’t overemphasize this enough. I’m like, “Thank you for the coffee. Thanks for taking out the trash. Thank you for picking up more limes. Thanks for picking up dinner. Thank you. It was so thoughtful of you. It’s so sweet of you. I appreciate that you did that. That means so much.” I lay it on because first of all, it’s coming from a sincere place. I am grateful and I do appreciate him, but it’s a habit that I trained myself to remember to consistently appreciate every little thing so that I don’t ever take it for granted. Just because I’m saying this in the beginning, it doesn’t mean a year later he doesn’t want to hear it. I want to stay married. The things that I’m teaching you is about getting into a relationship but there’s a high divorce rate. I want to get you in the relationship but I also want to keep you in the relationship. I don’t ever want you to be divorced. It’s a painful experience to go through.Sometimes you need to be reminded of the simplest steps over and over again until you get it. Click To Tweet
Practicing appreciation and gratitude is going to keep you in that relationship. I consistently do it because it’s a habit. I want my husband to know how much I appreciate and love and respect him so I’m consistently using that tool to make sure he knows my level of commitment for him. In return, he gives so much to me. He thinks about what he can do for me, how he can make my life easier and how he includes me in the decision making. He always runs everything by me. It comes back to you tenfold. Gratitude is a powerful force. The more you think about, the more you bring about, the more appreciation and gratitude you’re showing for anything, you’re going to get that back. The more you do it, the more you get it back. It was invoking the Law of Least Effort. The more you do have what you want to be done, the easier it is to receive it back tenfold.
Another thing that is good and it worked well with my relationship is surprises. As women, we are the one who likes surprises. We want to be surprised and that’s great but men love it too. Surprising your date. If you’ve been dating for a couple of weeks, I would recommend doing a little surprise like, “I have a little surprise for you.” He’s going to be like, “What is it?” You’re like, “If I tell you it’s not going to be a surprise.” It could be something simple. Maybe you made him his favorite dish and you bring it to him or maybe you picked up a book that he talked about. Maybe after dinner, you go for a drive and you show him something that you think that he would enjoy. Something that you thought out or maybe you’re getting him tickets to a sporting event that he wants to go to or a ticket to a concert. That’s after you’ve been dating for a couple of weeks. I don’t recommend giving gifts, but the surprises are always appreciated. Everybody loves a surprise because it means you put a lot of thought into doing something special for him. That’s how you continue to create an emotional connection, which leads to a commitment.
Give Him Freedom
The last tip I want to share with you is an important one. It’s giving him this freedom. Make sure he knows that he has plenty of freedom. People get freaked out when they get into a committed relationship and they start to go, “I’m not going to have any freedom.” The opposite is true. I have so much more freedom being in a committed relationship and being married because I don’t have to worry about dating anymore because that’s a time-consuming endeavor. I don’t have to go online. I don’t have to spend my time organizing who I spoke to and to be on my phone all the time, so I actually have more freedom. Also, I have the security of the commitment that we made together. I’m not talking about financial. I’m talking about that security based on the highest form of integrity, of honesty and truth that we’re made to each other. That we’re going to be there for each other and I can relax into that. When I can relax into that, Michael has all the freedom he wants. It’s not up to me to give or take it away. He’s a free person.
Getting married doesn’t limit you and make you do a certain thing, not if you set it up right in the beginning. I was clear from the beginning. I was saying things like, “Go with your friends. That would be great. You should go. You should do it.” I’ll give you an example. One day, it was father’s day and his children were not with him. That was when he was spending more time with his children when they were younger. He had that day without his children and I was thinking I’m going to do something nice for him. I’m going to make him brunch. I went to the store and I got a bunch of things for lox and bagels, but he had a different plan. I didn’t tell him that I was going to surprise him. He called me up and he said, “I’m going a 45-mile road biking ride with his best friend.” I’d already made all of this. I had set it all up and I was going to surprise him. I printed out a Father’s Day card with a picture of him and his kids on it from my printer, but I went with the flow because I’m in my feminine energy. I was like, “That sounds a great day.” Inside I was disappointed but I said, “You go and have a great time. That’s going to be awesome. Take a picture when you guys are out.”
The next thing I know is I hear somebody outside my door, he’s outside on his bike with his best friend. They were calling out to me. I came outside and took a picture of them together and I wished him a good ride. They rode off and they had a great day. What he wanted to do with his day is spend it with his friend. I didn’t take it personally. I went inside and I ate my lox and bagels with my kids. That’s what I mean about freedom. I didn’t even show any sign of that because he has a right to make plans and have his own life and his own interest and I want to support those. I guess that was plan B. Make sure you’re relaxed in things if he springs it on you, “My friends are all getting together tonight after work. I want to go.” You should say, “You should go. It’s going to be great. You go and have a good time. I’ll catch up with you later.” He’ll feel safe knowing that you are not going to freak out and try to clamp down on his time. He’s going to want to spend more time with you because you’re so easy going. That’s an important thing for men.
One of the biggest reasons why men resist commitment is because they sense on some level that you’re going to try to monopolize their time. What happens is if you make sure that they know and that you’re not going to interfere with the things they want to do and in fact, you’re going to encourage it and support it. All of a sudden they’re like, “I’d rather be with her. She’s so easy going and then if something does come up, I can always rearrange our schedule and I can go do something with my friends.” For example, my husband has his monthly meeting that he does with him and his business partners. They have a couple of drinks and they have appetizers. They talk about business and I’m like, “I’m going to make plans and go do my thing. Have fun and I’ll talk to you when you get home tomorrow or later.” I want him to feel that he can do whatever he wants as long as he comes home to me and he does. That’s the point. I’ve covered quite a bit and I’m just wondering if any of you have any questions.Gratitude is a powerful force. The more you think about, the more you bring about. Click To Tweet
Thank you so much. I want to also share with you that I just opened the doors to my annual Engaged at Any Age Program. It’s a nine-month private/group coaching program. It’s the only way that you’re going to get to work with me. I do it once a year and I’ve already enrolled many women into it so I have a limited amount of seats. The program used to be a year but I changed it to nine months because I’m getting women to the finish line in nine months or less because I have this formula that works. What you need is a structure. You need a container to hold that space. You need the support. You need accountability and what’s important is you need the environment. The environment is where you can grow and foster change. If you’re not in the right environment and if you’re not surrounding yourself by the right people who have the right strategies that can teach you the skills that you need, that not only get you into a relationship but keep you happily married ever after, you can get into a relationship but you’re not going to stay in it.
It is an investment but either way, you’re going to pay. You’re going to pay if you stay single another month or you’re going to have to pay to invest in yourself so you can scale up in these areas and become as wise as I am. You’re complimenting me here, saying lovely things and I appreciate it but I want that for you. I want you to outgrow me. I want you to have these skills so you can apply them in your life so that you can see that ripple effect that affects your children, your friendships, and all of your relationships. Your life is going to expand in so many ways. It’s just not one thing that happens when you get engaged or get in a committed relationship. It affects your social circles. You get new friends, friends of your husbands or your partners. They become your best friends. You get new friends. Your social life takes off in a different way.
Now, you have someone to go to all these events that you’ve been wanting to go to or maybe you don’t want to go to events. You have someone to do things with, somebody to witness your life and somebody to have your back and you’ll have their back. You’re also going to have combined resources. Your resources now are more enhanced. When you’re in love and you have love in your life, so much abundance can come to you. If you invest in yourself, you get that back so quickly. I just look at where I was years ago and where I am now, the growth has been exponential. Every year, I double and double my business and my husband too. We’re both booming and people say, “There’s just something about you.” We have so much love. We’re still so in love. All these pillars that I’m explaining to you are enhanced in every area in my life. My home, my social and my family has been in large with his family. The traveling and the combined resources, it’s incredible. The best investment you’ll ever make is the investment you make in yourself. Make sure you do that because either way, you’re going to pay. I will see you all here in the group. Don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel so you don’t miss an episode. Thank you for being here and I’m just sending you so much love.