Jaki dives a little bit deeper into the four signs that a man is stringing you along. This happens a lot to ladies where they’re not recognizing when they’re being strung along. Jaki shines some light on this topic so that you can free yourself from these situations that are disempowering. They’re all about boundaries and how to see the signs right away so that you can avoid getting into relationships with men that have no intention of committing to you.
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4 Signs He’s Stringing You Along
I want to talk to you about the four signs that he’s stringing you along. This is something I spoke about but I wanted to dive into it a little bit deeper, so I wanted to run this training again. This happens a lot to ladies out there you’re not recognizing when you’re being strung along. Let’s shine some light on this topic so that you can free yourself from any kind of these situations that are disempowering. They’re all about boundaries and how to see the signs right away so that you can avoid getting into relationships with men that have no intention of committing to you.
He Hasn’t Shared A Part Of His Life With You
There are some obvious signs and not so obvious ones. The first one is a big one. A big red flag is when you’re dating a man and he hasn’t shared a part of his life with you. This is something you want to pay attention to in the beginning of your relationship, so this does not happen to you. It’s happened to several women that I’ve talked to and there were signs all along, but they didn’t want to rock the boat. They’re afraid to say anything because they don’t want to lose the relationship.
When you’re afraid to say anything in a relationship, you’re avoiding intimacy. When you avoid intimacy, you don’t have a relationship because relationships are all about intimacy. Intimacy means that you aren’t afraid to show up more courageously to communicate what your needs are and why you need them to the man you’re with so that he can also reciprocate and you can meet each other’s needs. If you’re not having a relationship where it’s based on truth and honesty and you’re wanting to meet each other’s needs, you don’t have a relationship. The first thing that you want to look for is if he’s reciprocating in terms of doing things at his house. Sometimes you’ll date a man that you’d never been to his house but he’s showing up. He’s doing a lot of things for you. He’s taking you to dinner and maybe you’re getting together on the weekends at your house. This is what’s happening to a woman that I was speaking with and everything seems to be going great. You are having a great time together. Months go by but you haven’t been to his house and you haven’t met anybody in his family but he knows your family.
I would say that’s a big red flag because why would he be withholding an important part of his life or his home or whatever it is and not sharing that with you? I would definitely be asking him about it. I would never let things go to four months when you should be asking within the first couple of weeks like, “I live here.” Getting together and going out and after three or four or five dates, you can invite him to your home and make him dinner. That’s a great way to reciprocate and thank him for all the lovely meals he’s provided for you. In that process, he’s going to invite you to his house. Maybe on your way somewhere, you can stop there and have a glass of wine then you move to a restaurant. If you’re not going over to his home and you’re not meeting the people in his family and he’s compartmentalizing the relationship, then that tells you that he’s stringing you along. He’s getting a lot of the benefits out of the relationship, but he doesn’t have to make any real lasting commitment. You’re having such a great time, he’s taking you to dinner, he may be buying you little gifts, he’s telling you how much he cares about you and he’s showing up. You’re like, “This could lead to something. I don’t want to rock the boat.”It's so important to ask questions upfront and be curious. The key is to come from curiosity, and not from fear but from love. Click To Tweet
There’s a glaring piece that’s missing and that’s the piece like, “Why haven’t I met anybody in his family? Why haven’t I had been to his house after four months? There’s something going on.” Make sure that this doesn’t happen to you. I want you to vet men more carefully and I hope men are reading this because we are going to be vetting you more carefully. What I mean by that is go and do background checks on men. I recommend this to all my clients and men should do it on women too. You can even run a background check on yourself to see what somebody can find out. There’s nothing wrong with this. In this day and age, meeting men online, it’s totally okay to do. There’s nothing wrong with it. You’re just using wisdom. What you’re going to find is maybe some issues around finances which I don’t think is a big deal. A lot of people go through financial upsets and recover from them. That’s what makes us all even stronger when we go through a hard time.
I wouldn’t focus as much on a foreclosure or bankruptcy, but I would focus more on any criminal activity and divorces. What I think that’s going on with this woman is that he’s legally still married to his first wife. They’re probably separated for years but they don’t want to get a divorce because of the money. It’s a very common scenario on why men string women along. They don’t want to divorce legally on paper their wife because they have to split up their assets. The wife and the husband have agreed to move on with their lives but they’re going to hang onto the assets and then you come along. You’re amazing and he thinks you’re great but he’s got this little problem. He still legally married to her. It’s less about dating separated men, it’s more about the fact that he can’t be with you in the way you want to and he’s stringing you along because he’s getting all of the benefits. You’re not getting anything. You have nothing to gain from being with him except superficial things at the moment.
It’s so important to ask questions upfront and be curious. The key is to come from curiosity and not from fear but from love. When you come from curiosity, you are coming from love and you’re curious. You do want to know because why wouldn’t you want to know those things? When you hold back and you walk around on eggshells, you’re teaching the man how to treat you. You’re saying to him, “It’s okay that you’re not being intimate with me because I don’t deserve intimacy. It’s okay that you’re not being forthright with me because I don’t feel that I deserved someone to be forthright with me.” The way we show up at the beginning is we’re teaching them how we want to be treated and that’s why it’s so important to ask questions. As soon as there’s something that you’re not sure about, instead of coming from fear and being like, “He might dump me.” You come from curiosity. Maybe you’re getting dumped because it’s the way you’re saying it. That’s a big part of this conversation.
He’s Only Available During The Week
Let’s move onto another sign. He’s only available during the week and not available on the weekends. That’s a sign that he’s got something else going on. We don’t know what it is so let’s not make assumptions. What you want to do is just ask questions and ask him right away. Say, “I’m just curious as to what you spend your time on the weekends doing? I have this weekend free and I would love to see you. What do you have going?” He says, “I’m busy. I’m working.” You say, “Tell me about your work that’s keeping you so busy. I would love to hear about it.” Really come from a place from being sincere. Maybe he does need to work weekends because he trying to pay off a mortgage on a home or maybe he’s paying his college tuition for his kids. Don’t think the worst but ask the question because that situation begs for an answer. You’re dying to know and through that not knowing, you start to get frustrated and you start to become a little desperate. Maybe you behave extra nice so that he sees your value. You’re like, “I’ll be good and then you’ll see how amazing I am. He will love me even more and then he will tell me the truth.” That thinking has got to go.
That’s how children think and we are grown women. You don’t want to tolerate that behavior. If you allow it, you’re enabling the behavior and it’s going to keep going and then it is going to result in heartbreak for you. Men are stringing you along. Why do men do that? Men do it for a variety of reasons. I’m going to go straight to the biggest one that I see. It’s because they haven’t seen a woman that has come across their path that they’re inspired to give up their single life. Let’s just look at it as a real positive thing. Men are stringing women along not necessarily intentionally, but because they’re having a good time. Women are more than happy to create such an amazing experience for a man because we all want to be in a relationship. You’re being so amazing upfront but then you’re not laying down any boundaries. You’re not clear on what you want and you’re afraid to speak your truth and express yourself and men lose respect for you. That’s why they move on to the next woman. They’re like, “You’re great but you don’t know who you are. You’re a pushover. You’re a bit of a doormat. You don’t speak up. You’re letting me get away with everything and I don’t respect you. I’ll find another woman that will.”
In a way, you’re shooting yourself in the foot by even tolerating this. It’s not that you want to be hard on a man, but from the beginning, he needs to know that he’s dealing with a high-quality woman and that’s what you are. You’re not going to even spend any time with a man who doesn’t get that from the beginning. Your self-worth and your value is a perception that you have to create. You have to create that perception for a man so that he buys into it. He sees, “If I don’t treat her right, she’s going to be gone.” That’s exactly the impression he needs to get from you but it doesn’t need to come from a place of threatening or a place of fear. That would be fear like, “If you treat me right, I’m out of here.” That’s coming from insecurity because you’re desperate to the point where you’re making these veiled threats that you don’t have any intention to carry out.If you don't stand for something now, you're going to fall for everything later. Click To Tweet
Here’s the problem with that. If you say something like that to a man and then you don’t carry it out, he’s never going to see you as a partner because he knows he can get away with it. You might ask him five times like, “What do you do on the weekends?” After the first time and you didn’t get the answer you wanted and you asked him again, he already had lost respect for you because he sees that you’re not going to do anything about it. You’re not going to call him on it and you’re not going to put yourself in a place where you feel you deserved to know that. If you’re seeing a guy, you do deserve to know what he’s doing on the weekends. For the level of intimacy that you want with a man, which is amazing intimacy, intimacy means that it’s safe to show a man who you are. It’s safe for him to show you who he is, all of his lies and his shortcomings. It’s safe because you’ve made it safe. You’ve set the relationship up in a way and you created this space of love for him where he feels safe to tell you things about himself where you’re not going to judge him. You’re not going to put him down or you’re not going to use those things later and bring them back up in conversation. A lot of women don’t know how to do that. When a man might tell a woman something, she might make a judgment about it and then close that opportunity for intimacy.
He Makes A Lot Of Promises But Never Acts On Them
Another sign that he’s stringing you along is by making a lot of promises but never acting on them. There’s a lot of talk that they can do like, “Someday I want to take you here. That dress would look great on you. We should do this. I can’t wait for my children to meet you. Maybe we should do that for the holidays.” Men could say everything we want to hear and it’s so good and it sounds so true and real that we believe them and then we want to hang in there. “How long do we hang in there before any of this starts to become reality for you?” I would say that it’s incremental. You start dating and he says he’s going to pick you up and he does. You go out and then you naturally grow closer together. This is if you’re wanting a committed relationship that leads to marriage or a long-term commitment and companionship. Right away, a man already knows if he’s going to want to spend more time with you or not.
Flushing him out in the beginning is the safest thing for you so you don’t invest too much time. If he’s not being consistent right up front and he’s not following through with the things he says, you can ask him about it. You can just say, “You mentioned getting together and driving up to the coast and stay in Big Sur. I’m free this weekend. Let’s do that.” Assuming that he’s going to do it and if he starts making excuses, then that’s when you know that he’s starting to string you along and he never takes you to that place. That’s why you want to date more than one man at a time until one man takes the lead and is following through on what he says. The minute a man doesn’t do what he says he’s going to do, I would start to get curious about it. You can approach your conversations with these men like that. The more you do it, the more empowered you will feel and the better you’ll get at it.
Never be afraid to risk a relationship by just simply asking a question. If you’re afraid to ask a question that you feel is valid, then that tells me something. That tells me that your relationship is already on rocky grounds because you don’t feel safe enough to ask questions. You feel that he might break up with you. That’s the sign that the relationship wasn’t set up in the right way from the beginning. Being curious so saying things like, “I’m just curious. I’m just wondering.” Coming from that place and using that tone, you’re curious. You just want to know. You’re not going to punish him with the truth but you deserve an answer. Your attitude is like, “I didn’t hear from you for a couple of days, where were you? What was going on? You couldn’t reach out to me.” See what he says. Maybe he’ll come up with some great excuses that you’ll believe.
You need to ask those questions. You need to ask them sooner than later so that he recognizes that you’re a high-value woman. You value your time and that you’re serious about the contribution that you do bring to your relationship which is a lot and it’s not a monetary contribution. It’s your self-worth. It’s your feminine energy. It’s your beauty. It’s your wisdom. It’s your ability to have these conversations. Men want to have an intimate conversation with you. Men want and long very much for intimacy. It’s up to you to create that intimacy. If you would learn to go first and create this intimacy, a man will respond to you. They’re used to women being suspicious, making accusations, becoming defensive and looking jealous or desperate. That’s why men withdraw. Men pull back because they’re like, “That’s such uncomfortable energy, to begin with.” They don’t know how to handle that. They just keep moving through the women and in a way, we’re contributing to this bad behavior. A man only wanted to be single until he finds the woman that he feels he can call his wife and that he respects.
He Doesn’t Answer His Phone
Some men are playing the field because maybe they just got divorced or whatever, but I do believe that everyone wants to have a soulmate. We all are destined for that. Men especially do not like to be alone and they’re just in between finding that right woman. Another sign that he’s stringing you along is he doesn’t answer his phone and it goes straight to voicemail especially over a couple of day period. That means there’s something up. When’s the last time you didn’t answer your phone outside of the fact that you’re on a date? Trust your instincts. All of these things are signs that he’s stringing you along. If he starts telling you that he wants to be exclusive and he loves you and he’s into you, but his actions don’t match his word, he’s stringing you along. I had a client that I started working with. He had been telling her he’s going to get a divorce. He gave her an engagement ring, but he hasn’t gotten divorced four years later. She believed him because he gave her this beautiful engagement ring.A committed relationship is being exclusive. Click To Tweet
That’s a tough one but at four years, I would say cut your losses. Give the ring back and get your life back because you’ve disempowered yourself in that process. All you have is a piece of jewelry. It’s just a rock. It’s nothing compared to a life of the man, a life of happiness and fulfillment, of travel, of sharing humor or something to witness your life. It’s nothing. Who cares about all this stuff? All the things are just that, they are things. You want more than things. You want a real relationship. You want a genuine connection with a man. Anything less than that is you are settling. What you want right now aren’t things, they’re connection, fulfillment and communication. Those are the things that are lasting. Those are the things that you want to spend your life with someone doing. It’s not necessarily acquiring more assets because we all know that money buys a lot of nice things, but it doesn’t buy happiness.
We have a question, “What about a guy that emails and wants to know more about you and then doesn’t answer your email reply two days passed. Do I come out and ask what happened to you?” Absolutely not. The thing with online is it does move fast or moves at a snail’s pace but either way, you can’t control that. It’s out of your control. The only thing you can control is you. You have to learn to date with more detachment. Be detached from an outcome. The minute you turn away from looking at that email, he’s going to reach out to you. We can’t know if he’s on a trip, if he is seeing someone else, if he found somebody else and he’s now dating her. We don’t get to know what’s on the other side of it. What you do have control over is how you feel and not attaching to an outcome. The most important thing in deliberate dating is to stay detached but involved. You’re involved in your process of wanting you to attract your soulmate. You’re involved in maintaining your high standards. You’re involved in responsible communication, but you’re not attached to the outcome.
As soon as you attach to that outcome, it takes you out of the moment and you start to obsess on the outcome. When you’re over here obsessing, looking over here at the outcome that you want and you’re clinging to that, you’re not in the present. You’re not over here anymore and you might meet a guy when you’re over here. You plant all these seeds, you toss out all these emails and two days pass, move on. If you’re not attached to an outcome, then it doesn’t matter if you hear from him or not. If he’s interested in you, he will get back to you. Make sure you send out more than one email. I would send out ten emails at a time if you’re online. Send ten questions and comments out so that you get one date by the weekend. That’s the numbers game that you have to play online. One of those guys is going to pick up on it and he’s going to respond to you and you can get on a date with him. I would not even respond to his unless he circles back around and then don’t say anything. Just say, “It’s nice to hear from you.”
Let’s say you’re at a bar and you’re having a nice conversation and you like him and you’re like, “Maybe this is something.” His friend comes over and they start talking. What do you do? There’s not much you can do. You can’t say, “Excuse me, I was talking to him.” You move on, you detach. You have never attached anyways. He’s just a stranger. You have to have that same mentality when you’re online, not attaching to the end results. You’re not attaching to a storyline that he was for you, he was the one or you felt something. You don’t feel anything. You don’t even know him. You have to be detached. It’s detached involvement. It’s the Law of Detachment. It’s so powerful and it keeps you from suffering. It’s a self-protection mechanism. Plus, you don’t know what’s going to happen. That’s the exciting part of dating. One date can be your last date.
Going into the next question, “I’m curious how from the perspective of the other is a mirror. What does stringing a woman along means about the woman herself and her relationship to her worth from a self-growth and accountability perspective?” It means that you’re ignoring your inner urgings. You’re not listening to your intuition. You are doubting yourself. You have some unconscious beliefs that you might not meet anybody better. You don’t feel that you’re worthy. You don’t feel good enough. You’re not lovable. All of these unconscious beliefs are getting triggered so he’s pressing the boundaries. He’s not calling you back and you’re not doing anything because in that not calling back, it’s triggering all of your emotional blocks like you’re not good enough, not worthy, unlovable, been left or been single for eight years.
When he doesn’t call you back, those beliefs start to surface. They surface and they make you feel that it’s real. You’re like, “I need to give him a chance.” You don’t want to feel not worthy, not lovable and not good enough. It doesn’t feel good to let those beliefs surface if you can get a good look at them. The only way to release those beliefs is to walk through them. It’s to look at them for what they are and question some of your incorrect thinking. What he is seeing though is he seeing that he’s going to have his way with you. He can get away with that and you’re allowing that treatment. He sees a woman of low self-worth and low self-esteem because weak boundaries equal weak self-esteem. He sees a woman who has weak boundaries and he’s going to prey on you. Maybe he is not doing it intentionally, maybe he’s always treated women this way because he attracts women that have weak boundaries until he gets to get his way.Timing is everything. Maybe the best looking guy at the time isn't right. Click To Tweet
A lot of women have gone along with that but I’m here to tell you that it’s extremely dysfunctional and it’s not setting yourself up for a healthy relationship. That’s the mirror. That’s what they’re seeing. That’s why they move on because unconsciously even without a man thinking about it, he registers you as less than him. Without him even consciously sitting there making notes about it, he just doesn’t see you as somebody he could spend his life with. He sees the way that you’re letting him treat you. It’s not even conscious. They pick up on this. They have a radar for it because men are looking for the best woman and you’re looking for the best man. This is on their radar even if it’s unconscious. When you allow a man to treat you that way, you’re saying, “It’s okay. I’ll wait at home for you while you go out and do whatever you want. That’s okay with me.” They go, “I don’t want a woman that does that. I want a woman that calls me all my stuff.” Because you’ll make a man a better man. When you talk to your man about what he’s doing that’s not okay, you make him a better person.
The truth is we are not being honest with these men that we feel have a potential to be a real-life partner for us. What is it in you that you don’t have the courage to be honest with your lover? If I can’t tell Michael the truth about what I feel he’s doing, if he’s doing something, then I’m not being a friend to him. I’m being fake because if my husband is doing something that I don’t like or that I feel could maybe be improved, I owe it to him as his wife to tell him that. I need to do it in a way that it doesn’t hurt him and doesn’t attack him. If he’s doing something then you say, “Can we talk about this? I see this happening and I feel that in the long run, this is not going to be a good thing for you. I just want to know if you see it too.” You’re not even coming from a place about you, you’re coming from a place that it’s about him and you care about him and you want to bring it to his awareness because he’s not aware of it. You have to show up with a higher level of emotional honesty. You do that by working on yourself and by building up internally your ability to be emotionally honest.
You can only be emotionally honest with a man to the degree that you’re emotionally honest with yourself. When you do all of that work on becoming more emotionally intimate with yourself, you clear out all that incorrect thinking about you’re not good enough and you’re not worthy. Once that’s cleared out, you can be transparent and vulnerable for a man because you have nothing to hide because you are worthy and you know that. You can drop your guard and be real and you can risk him breaking up with you because you’d rather be with somebody who is willing to have those honest, heartfelt, emotional conversation than somebody who isn’t. Somebody who’s not willing to go there with you is not worthy of a relationship with you. I would not want to be in that relationship. I already had that in my first marriage. Who wants to do that again? Who wants to repeat that pattern? He’s stringing you along because you’re letting him, I would say.
Get Your Power Back
All of my teaching that I do is all about women taking responsibility for ourselves first because when we do that, then we have so much power. We get our power back. We become empowered and that’s what makes you stand out from other women. Here in California, there are so many beautiful women. There are beautiful women everywhere. What’s going to make you stand out even if you’re the most beautiful woman in the world from all those other women is your ability to speak in a way to make a man feel understood. Also, it’s to demonstrate a level of maturity that is so fascinating to a man and so enticing and the grace and the compassion and empathy that you can show with clear boundaries for a man. He’s going to choose you over the most beautiful woman in the world because you get him and you know how to have those conversations. I know that we are all here on this planet because we want some fulfillment out of life. Men want that too and not just women. We want our life to have meaning beyond being in a relationship. If you don’t stand for something now, you’re going to fall for everything later.
This is a call to action, ladies. I want you to look at my program because these are the skill set that I teach that you need so that you can recognize the signs if he’s stringing you along. I know I had been talking about my program over and over because I want you to hear me. I want to work with you because I want to see you successful. I want you to not only be my next success story but it’s way beyond that. I want you to be in a happy and fulfilling relationship like me. I want you to feel powerful like I feel. I want you to feel empowered. I want your relationships with your family to be harmonious. I want your relationships in your community to be harmonious because when you have love in your life, the whole world benefits. This is not just about you. It’s about everybody around you and your children will respect you. I know a lot of you that have children are wishing, “I wish mom would just get into a great relationship,” because they don’t want to see you alone.
Co-Create You Relationships With Him
There are so many reasons why to do the work to improve yourself, to do self-development and self-improvement so you can have the relationship that you want. You create those relationships. Those relationships are not just out there and they’re going to plop into your lap. They’re created. You’re the creator. You co-create them with men but if you don’t have the skill set and the tools right up front to even begin that process, it’s a trial and error long haul and it doesn’t end well. I know that because I was in that trial and error for eight years. It didn’t end well for me. I met a lot of great guys but I didn’t have the skill set that I have now. That’s what ended up landing my big fish, Michael. I had that ability to create that space and inspire him to want to be more intimate. Even lead the way a little bit and what intimacy is by me being intimate first and be willing to stand for one thing and not fall for anything else. He knew that about me.Men love to help women out but you don't need to be rescued. You're not a damsel in distress. Click To Tweet
When a man knows that about you, he will not let you go because he knows that you will walk and he doesn’t want to risk losing you. That’s where you want to get a man where he doesn’t want to risk losing you. He doesn’t want to risk any bad behavior because he knows that you have value and you have boundaries. You will act on those instantly and you will not give him a second chance especially in things that are big grievances. There was a question, “Do you give a man a second chance?” Let me go back to these questions here, “Men seem interested until I communicate that I would like to wait for physical intimacy until we are in a committed relationship. Am I killing the vibe by communicating that?” Yes, and no. Yes, you’re killing it by the way you’re doing it. I wouldn’t say you’re killing it. I say it’s a way that you’re asking for that. You have to define a committed relationship. A committed relationship is being exclusive. That is a committed relationship. When you get into an exclusive relationship, you’re getting into that relationship with the intention and understanding on both parties that you’re in it because you have the same goals in mind for your future.
You have those discussions. For example, when I was talking to Michael. We were on the phone and the first conversation is like, “What are you looking for? How’s it going online and what is it you’re looking for?” He said, “I’m looking for a committed relationship.” He said that. It was on his profile and all men will say that even if they’re not looking for it. I said, “Me too. I was married and here’s my deal and this is what I’m looking for.” From that place, I agreed to go out with him because at least we had a starting point. I didn’t know if he’s going to be in a committed relationship with me and vice versa, but we started off that way. The way that I showed up on that first date and everything I did demonstrated that I was not interested in a casual relationship. The things that I would say, the things that I would do and the things that we’re all congruent. What I said to Michael and my behavior, all demonstrated a woman that was clear on she was going to get what she wanted whether it was with him or not and he knew that. Show up in a way that you are congruent. You’re kind but you’re clear and you have your boundaries.
Take Emotional Risks
I’m a big believer in exploring a sexual relationship with a man who’s demonstrated that he’s treating you well. He’s saying all the things and you are making plans for the future. It’s important to then take that next step to see if that’s a compatibility with the intention that you’re in it because you’re building something for the future. I can’t tell you when your timeline is for that. Two months, three months, four months or at least a month, but you’re going to have to take those risks. Relationships require you to take emotional risks. If you have a foundation built inside, if you feel safe inside, no matter what happens to that after you take that exploration, you try the sexual piece. After you have the other pieces in place and it’s not a fit, you are safe inside because you have the tools emotionally speaking to move on without being hurt. Why should that hurt you? It’d be like, “We explored it. It’s not a fit and I’m glad I know now so I can go find somebody that it is a fit with.” That is the most highly functional thing you can do.
Holding a man out for sex is a little old fashioned in my opinion because we’re sexual beings. Sex is good for us and to withhold sex, it’s not a very healthy thing to do to yourself especially if you’re in love and you’re professing a future together. You want to take the risks and explore if that’s a total package and then that beautiful thing can happen. If it’s not a package, maybe it doesn’t fit for you. Maybe it’s not your cup of tea and you don’t enjoy it. You want to move on. You can quickly do exercises that I teach in my program to clear the energy and get back in balance. Release him so another man can come in. I wasn’t a virgin when I met my husband. I’m being transparent with you. I wasn’t. I’ve had other lovers. I was married before. I have two kids. How do I have my self-worth intact after exploring, after I was divorced? It’s because I have a value system. I give myself permission to have those experiences because I grew from them and I feel good about myself. I don’t feel that there’s anything wrong with it. It’s a belief system that I have.
Look at your beliefs around having physical intimacy and make sure you’re going into it with your eyes wide open. Give yourself permission to explore that part of your relationship with him to see if it’s a fit for the long haul. A lot of times it might not be and you’ll be glad that you did so that you can move on and find somebody that is a fit. That’s just my feelings on that and the way you do that and the way you want to put him off. I’ve demonstrated this before somebody demonstrated it. I like to make sure that it’s an intimate moment when you’re letting a man know that you’re going to put the brakes on sexually. You can put your hand up behind his neck and look at him and pull him close and you’ve got your hand on his chest so you’re intimate. You’ve got them right there and you’re just loving him up. You’re just letting him know, “I would love to go there with you. I think about you day and night, but I am not ready to do that. I would love it more than anything if you can be patient with me and wait until I’m ready. I think about it all the time and I’m just not there yet.” Smile at him and then he’s going to wait for you until you are ready.
The Law Of Germination
If he doesn’t, then there’s your sign. In fact, it’s a great test to do to a man to see if he is willing to respect your boundaries and wait until you’re ready. Men don’t need sex that bad. They can masturbate. I’m being blunt for a reason, but men don’t need to have sex constantly. That’s an immature man. That’s a boyish behavior. That’s what boys do. Boys need constant sex and attention when they’re younger but when they’re more mature, they can sow the seed of germination and forego the instant gratification. If a man is not willing to forego instant gratification, he’s not your guy. The Law of Germination is you plant a seed and you watch it grow. When it grows into something and you’re comfortable and you feel safe that he’s authentic, then you can explore the next level and that’s when I recommend to do that.
Don’t kill the vibe by how you say it but say it so you can test him to see if he’s willing to be patient with you and respect your boundaries. Why would a man want to have sex with you before you’re ready? That’s interesting. You want to think about. You can even say, “Let me get this straight. You want me to sleep with you before I’m ready because that’ll be good for you, but it’s not going to be good for me. You’re going to benefit but I’m not going to. How do I win in that scenario?” You can even talk to him like that because I have a smile on my face and I’m like, “I’m sorry. That’s a one-way street that I don’t want to be on because it’s ahead in a collision and I’m the one who’s getting run over.” Light it up and have fun with those conversations. Tease him a little bit. Say, “You’re a man. You’re not a boy. You can take care of yourself until I’m ready.” You can say things like that and flush him out knowing that you’re ready to walk if he doesn’t wait for because you are. You’re not going to have relationship sexually with a man until you’re ready.
Any men that’s pressuring you to do that is interested in having sex with you. Now, you know. You have your answer and you can move on. The value of doing this is that you become so clear internally that that internal clarity and that compass is pointing due North. That’s where you want to be. You always want to be very clear on what you want and what you’re willing to do and won’t do. It’s in that vacillation that you’re causing yourself a lot of confusion and a lot of heartaches. It’s taking much longer than it should because you have all these fears, doubts and insecurities about your worth, your value and not feeling lovable but you haven’t done the work around to release. Until you do, you can’t fully power up because you’re leaking energy in those places and that’s the work that I do in my program. I’ll help you power up and help you show up as a quality woman because you are. Because you believe it and not because I’m just telling you that you are and you say you are. Intellectually, you know that you are but internally there’s a little voice inside of you that says you’re not. That voice gets loud especially when you’ve been alone for a long time. That’s why you need support and accountability and structure for somebody who has more perspective than you do and that’s what I bring.
I bring perspective, ladies. I have been there but more importantly, I’m over here and I can see what’s happening. I can be over here going, “Nope, don’t do that. Do this.” Pretty soon you can trust that I’m going to pull you over to where I am. If you get enough support for a long enough time, you can make these permanent behavior changes. It helps you stop allowing men to string you along. I am doing a call to action for those of you who have not booked a call with me to talk to me about it. I want to just offer you this opportunity. My calendar is already full but I’ll make room for you if you’re very interested. The program is for women who have been successful in their life but just haven’t got this piece of love figured out. It’s for women who are coachable and who recognize having support is a way to grow. The most successful people in the world did not get there by themselves. I’ve always had a coach and that’s why I’m so successful. I have support. I’m not doing this on my own. I get support and I give support and then you get support and you can give support. That’s how it works. If you are investing in yourself, you love personal growth and you want to be in a relationship this year, you want to stop this replicating. If unconscious patterns are keeping you stuck and discouraged, then the program is for you.
It’s not for is women who feel that everything just happens to them, the victim mode. I don’t work with women in that mentality because that’s me pulling you along and I just don’t want to pull you along. I want you to be like, “I’m all in,” because I’m all in. I’m 100% committed to the women in my program and I’m not going to convince somebody that they need to do something so you can’t be in victim mode. You have to be at least willing to recognize that I am a victim mode that I need help being pull out of it. I want to get out of it. If you’re there and if you’ve got one foot out and you want to get out of it, then I can help you. It’s not for women that don’t see the value in investing in their personal growth and don’t have the money to invest in their personal growth. I’m offering so much free advice. On my YouTube channel, I’m going to keep making amazing videos for you. I’m going to keep teaching and training. I don’t know how long that’ll go but as long as I’m passionate about it, I’ll do it. I’m feeling fulfilled in my life by doing this because I know I’m empowering women and I love doing that.
I love seeing women getting engaged and happy and going on to make a family, especially in their forties. They’re getting engaged, getting married and having babies in their forties. I love being a part of that. I’m going to answer one last question, “How long is a reasonable delay in a reply from a guy to text if you have been on a date or two? What length of the time should we next them?” Women sometimes next men too soon because we take things so personally. We’re sensitive especially when we’ve been single for a long time. That’s an avoidance like, “I don’t want to get rejected so I’m going to next you.” That’s just avoidance pattern because you don’t have the skill set to stay in the game. The reasonable is 24 hours, I would say. He doesn’t have to get right back to you. You’re not his girlfriend and he doesn’t owe you an answer. Keep this in mind. It does tell you a lot about him when he doesn’t answer you right away and you need that information. In the beginning, you’re gathering information. You’ve got your little basket and you’re putting information in like you’re picking berries like, “He doesn’t text right away. He takes two days to respond.” You’re gathering all this information, so you want to see what he’s going to do.
You’re welcoming it so that you can make a good choice for yourself on what to do. If he isn’t responding to you right away, that’s like, “Duly noted.” What’s a reasonable time? It’s up to two days. If you don’t hear from him after three days, then he’s got other things going. He’s seeing other women. He’s juggling and you’re not at the top of the list. You have to take that into consideration, “Is he a next?” Not necessarily. You’re dating as well so go out with another guy. If he circles back around, then you’re like, “How you’ve been?” Don’t be bitter. Be like, “What’s up? Long time no hear from. What’s going on? You want to get together?” See if he wants to keep it going. Come from that place and after a little bit of that and then you’ll see what he’s about. He may think, “I was seeing somebody else but I like you better.” That’s what it’s all about. It’s a process of elimination. Don’t next men too fast. Be a little more playful and a little more flexible. The feminine energy is about flexibility. We’re like water. We go downstream and round rocks and made flow. We’re guided to the path of least resistance.
However, there are boundaries in that. If you don’t hear from a guy and he completely ghosts you and he reaches out to you, I wouldn’t bother responding to him. Let’s give him a taste of his own medicine like, “I’m sorry but I’m busy with my next guy.” Wait a couple days and date other men so that the one that’s most interested pulls out ahead. The one that’s most interested may not be the best-looking guy, but I’d say he’s the one that’s most interested and I would look carefully at him. There’s something to say about timing in life. Everything is timing. Maybe the best-looking guy at the time isn’t right. Just let him go because then the guy that comes along that is ready and is right for you. Maybe it’s not as good looking but if he shows up for you and treat you right and make you his queen. I say that’s the man you want to marry. The man that’s going to put you on a pedestal and keep you there.
We have another question, “Do you think about a future before there is a present?” Don’t think in terms of future tense. You think about that when you’re setting your intention. That’s what you want and you’re clear on that. You don’t need to think about that. That’s over here. Anything that takes you over here is taking you out of the present. Until the man demonstrates all of these things to you, you stay right there in the moment and don’t fall for that. That’s again stringing you along. Your mind will string you along with thoughts about the future and the past too. You have to be careful of the own mind traps that your mind plays on you. This magical thinking pretending that things are different from how they are. Staying in the present, to what’s happening instead of getting into that magical and mystical thinking that he’s going to come up on a horse and rescue you. You don’t want to be rescued by men and men don’t to want to rescue you. They want a partner. It doesn’t mean they’re not going to help you out. Men love to help women out, but you don’t need to be rescued. You’re not a damsel in distress.
I hope this was helpful. Make sure you like my Facebook page and subscribe to my YouTube channel. If you’re resonating with the work, go ahead and give me a five-star rating. I would love that because that inspires me to keep going. When I see those little compliments, they mean the world to me. They do because I put a lot of effort and energy into dressing up for you. I get dressed up for you. You know how they say women dress up for each other. I do that. I get all dolled up because I want to set an example on how you want to be with men but also it’s fun. That’s what we women do. That’s why I love women. Don’t forget about what I said about the Engaged at Any Age Program. Do not miss out.
This is your opportunity to finally put your dating life behind you and get into a serious relationship. It’ll lead you to a commitment so that you can settle down and live happily ever after because it’s wonderful. There’s nothing better than having a man in your life who loves and adores you and that’s what I want for all of you. Life isn’t all about having a man in your life, but it sure is nicer with one in it. We’re fine without a man but we sure want one and it sure makes life more colorful, more exciting, more interesting and more fulfilling. I am so grateful you’re here. Thank you for always showing up here. I’m sending you lots of love.