6 Rules For Dating Over 50

—

Watch the episode here:

6 Rules For Dating Over 50

I’m Jaki Sabourin. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m the CEO of Engaged At Any Age, a company that teaches women how to deliberately date and consciously create the man of their dreams. I married my own soulmate-match husband, Michael, after being single for eight years. I’m still on the honeymoon and excited about helping you get engaged at any age. I’m going to talk to you about six rules for dating over 50. Ladies, dating over 50 is exciting. I love dating over 50 because this is when you come into your wisdom years and you can bring so much wisdom and so much genuine, authentic presence to each interaction you have with men. That’s why I think dating over 50 is really exciting and beyond. You’re coming into a place in your life when you’re starting to put yourself first and that’s attractive to a man. You have healthy boundaries and that’s attractive to a man. Let’s talk about the six tips that I’m going to give you about dating over 50.

Don’t Bond Over Your Baggage

The first tip I want to give you is don’t bond over your baggage. You know what this means, but it’s easy to do because you’ve both been hurt, you’re divorced, you’ve never been married, you’re a widow or whatever the case is. There is a story there. When you get caught in your storylines about your past, it derails the opportunity for you to build something going forward. If one of you starts to go into the past, you need to gently guide that conversation back to what’s happening in the now. I like to use the word intervene. If a man’s going on and on about his ex-wife and you find yourself discussing it, and you notice it, you can bring it to his attention. You can lean forward, put your hand on his forearm, and you can say, “I need to intervene. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to interrupt you. I just wanted to intervene for a moment because I’m noticing we’re going off on this tangent talking about our pasts. I want to get to know you and talk about what’s going on now and in the future. How do you feel about switching the topic, letting that go, and let’s move on?”

What happens is, you’re not going to have a second date. He’s going to reveal something and you’re going to reveal something. You’re going to feel very vulnerable like you overshared because you probably did. It’s going to also tell him, if you’re doing the oversharing, that you’re still stuck on your ex-husband or you’re still stuck in that painful experience. That’s not something that’s going to get you to a second date. Limit what you share. Make sure you have a positive spin on it. If you need to talk about it, ask him, “What did you learn in your first marriage? What did you learn in your last relationship? What is the most important thing you took away?” That’s a positive way to approach that.

Don’t Call Him Unless He Calls You

The second rule in dating over 50 is don’t call him unless he calls you. You need him to pursue you. Men over 50 know exactly what they’re doing and they know exactly what they want. They know if they want you or not. As much as it hurts, if a man doesn’t call you when he says he’s going to, you cannot call him. You cannot pursue a man. You don’t want to start the relationship off in the masculine energy. If he doesn’t call, just know that he’s not a match. It’s not a rejection, it’s just a redirection. Let it go and move on to the next one because if you call him, it’s going to be very awkward. Sometimes men don’t call you because they don’t want to hurt your feelings. They’ll say, “I’m going to call you,” but they don’t because they don’t want to hurt your feelings on the date. They have sisters and mothers who have told them, “Don’t hurt a girl’s feelings.” They’re going to be very careful not to hurt your feelings on a date. Let that go. There are so many men out there. The sooner you let go, the sooner somebody else can show up.

Don’t Have Sex Until You’re Ready

The third rule in dating over 50 is to don’t have sex until you’re ready to have sex. Don’t have sex until you have established what the relationship is. I’m always teaching women how to get into committed relationships and/or get married. That’s where I’m coming from because I know what it is to be in a committed relationship and be married over 50. It’s the most incredible experience of my life. It is the most amazing relationship I’ve ever had with myself and with my husband. I want that for you. If you’re over 50 and you are reading this, definitely do not sleep with men until they have expressed an interest in being exclusive with you. You’ve had that STD talk, talking about your sexually transmitted diseases, where you “stand” with your health and what are your plans for the future. You deserve to know what this man has in mind for you.

Believe me, he has a vision and you need to find out what it is before you sleep with him because you’re going to wake up the next day and wonder if he is going to even call you. Are you just now friends with benefits? That is the worst feeling that you could ever have when you’re over 50. You know you have not been true to yourself because you do want to be in a committed relationship or be married. Just don’t do it. Wait at least a month. Believe me, a good man who is interested in you and sees a future with you will be patient. He will wait until you’re ready and also will want to have those conversations. If he’s a mature man, he wants to know what your history is. He wants to know what you want and what your vision is. Wait to have sex. Wait to give him the cookie, ladies. That’s the big bonus. That’s after he has shown his actions, his consistency, his behavior and that he sees you in his life long-term, so save that.

Stop Being So Picky

The fourth tip for dating over 50 is I want you to stop being so picky. How you can do this is find out three things you can appreciate about him when you’re on a date. Here’s the thing, not every man is going to be your cup of tea. You’re going to go on a date and go, “He’s shorter than he said.” Maybe he’s got a little bit of a belly or he’s got less hair or whatever it is that’s turning you off. Here’s the thing, your type in the past has not worked out and that’s why you’re still single. I want you to find three things to appreciate about him and here’s why. For one, it will keep that smile on your face. It keeps you uplifted during your conversation with him. Two, is because what you focus on expands. When you think about all the things that you appreciate about him, maybe he was on time, maybe you like the way he talked to the waiter, maybe you like the way he pulled your chair out, the simplest things like these. Even if he’s not a fit for you, find those three things to appreciate about him.

When you focus on things that you don’t like, those expand as well. In essence, the Law of Attraction is always working. You may not believe in the Law of Attraction but believe me, the Law of Attraction believes in you because it’s energy. If you’re looking at the energy around what you don’t like, you’re going to be getting more of that. If you’re finding the three things to appreciate about him, then you’re going to be getting more of those things on the next date. You’re going to be making that expand and that’s important. When over 50, we can become very picky and very set in our ways, but that limits our possibilities and it shuts us down. Rigid thinking lacks flexibility. I’ve met so many interesting men that are tall, thin, short, bald, with mustaches or whatever. There are incredible men. Don’t judge a book by its cover. Get to know him. Keep an open mind.

Flirt Like A Woman

Let’s move on to tip number five for dating over 50. I want you to flirt like a woman. You’re a woman now and there are so many ways that you can flirt when you’re on a date with a man. There’s the nonverbal communication, the physical communication and the verbal communication. There are so many ways to let him know that you’re into him. Flirting turns a man on like nothing else does. It shows you that you’re confident. You can use your body language for one. You can lean in and smile because I’m always saying, “Smile, smile, smile.” Love your smile. That means you’re happy. Men are looking for a happy, content woman. You can also tuck your hair behind your ear and let him know you’re listening. Play with your hair a little bit. That’s a very feminine thing to do. This isn’t being coy. It’s sweet and it’s pretty. We’re women. This is what we do. Go ahead and do it on a date because you’ll get the response that you want.

Another thing that you can do is you can touch him, put your hand on his forearm when he makes a comment about something he did. You can be like, “I’m impressed by that.” Lean forward, smile at him, put your hand on his arm. The best flirt that you can ever have with a man is when you compliment him. Men love compliments just as much as we do. Compliment him on his achievement. Say, “I’m impressed with your work ethic. That’s incredible. I can’t believe that you did that triathlon. I am blown away. That’s impressive. That must have been challenging. You’re like a rockstar.” Whatever your language is, you don’t want to talk like me, but certainly show appreciation. Verbally compliment him because he’s going to love it. You can say, “You’ve got it going on there with your clothes. I like the way you dress. Pay him some compliments because it’s going to go a long way in his book. It’s very feminine. Be generous with your compliments because you do want to get married and be in a committed relationship. A man is going to ask you out again if he feels good in your presence. That’s the key.

Let The Conversation Flow

The sixth and final tip that I’m going to give you for dating over 50 is, let the conversation flow but make sure you get a word in edgewise. Do not let a guy just ramble on and on. That is so frustrating. I know some of you don’t speak your truth. Maybe you’re introverted and you don’t speak up, but don’t let a man run away with the show. Sometimes they just don’t even realize they are dominating the conversation. It’s up to you to intervene. If he’s talking too much, lean forward, put your hand on his forearm and say, “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to interrupt you or be rude, but would you mind if I share with you about this trip that I took? I’m really excited and I think it’s relevant to what you’re sharing.” Then he’ll get the clue. He’ll pick it up, hopefully, and if he doesn’t you can do it again. If he doesn’t make it a little bit about you, you’re not going to want to go out with him again anyway. It’s worth taking the risk on this date by intervening and asking him to talk about something different.

I love the word, intervene, you can just say, “I hate to intervene. I know we’re limited on our time and I’m excited about sharing something with you that I think you’re going to be interested in. Are you game?” Then see what he does with that. Everything he does on the date is giving you information whether or not you even want to go out with him again. Plus, you have to show up more genuine and more authentic. Being honest in how you’re feeling about him talking more than you is important. Take control of that situation so it doesn’t get out of control.

Important Links: