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6 Tips To Fast-Track A Commitment
I want to talk to you about the six tips to fast track to a commitment. I am passionate about helping women get Engaged at Any Age®. I was engaged after dating my husband from Match.com after eight months and I was single for eight years. We were married in two years. A lot of women ask me the question, “What’s the timeline? What’s the flow and stage of a relationship? How long should it take? How long until he commits?” I wanted to give you six tips to fast track yourself to a commitment. This is going to help you to stay on track so that you don’t waste your precious time because I’m all about helping you to not waste your precious time. Those of you who want to continue to watch my videos, make sure you subscribe to my YouTube channel, Engaged at Any Age®, so you don’t miss any more of my training.
Be Clear On Your Date
Here are six things that you can do to help fast track a commitment. We all want to know if we’re going to be with him if he’s the one. Here’s a guide for you. From the very beginning, what you want to do is make sure that you’re clear with your date on what it is you’re looking for. The biggest mistake women make in the very beginning is not speaking your truth, being afraid to share what you want. The more you practice this, the easier it gets. I highly recommend that you begin to practice the script or whatever you want to call it, on asking for what you want and sharing that with a man. You want to be absolutely clear with him that you’re dating because you want to. You can say, “I’m excited about finding that special someone to spend the rest of my life with. What about you?” You can say it like that. You can say, “I’m excited about having a family someday. I see myself with three kids and settled down. What about you?” You don’t even know the person.The biggest mistake women make in the very beginning of a relationship is not speaking your truth. Click To Tweet
Why it’s important to say this right up front is because he’s a stranger. You’re not asking him to marry you. You’re not putting any pressure on him, whatsoever. You’re both vetting each other, talking about what your expectations and interests are. For example, you went off the dating site and you got on the phone. Maybe it came from Tinder or Bumble so you can’t see what he’s looking for and you’re talking to him about some casual things like, “How’s it going for you? What is it you’re looking for?” You ask him right then and there on the phone. He might say, “I’m newly divorced. I’m dating to have fun. It’s more casual for me.” Then you say, “That’s wonderful. Congratulations on your divorce. I’m looking for a long-term committed relationship, someone to spend the rest of my life with. I had been divorced for five years, so I’m ready.”
You already know it’s not a match. You don’t have to end the conversation. You can say, “How’s it going? How does it feel to be online?” Continue the conversation for another ten minutes or so and then say, “It was nice to meet you. I know that we’re not a match because I feel from what you shared, we want different things. I’m going to take off, but it was great meeting you. Good luck. I’m sure you’re going to meet a fantastic woman.” Then you can get off the phone. It’s that simple. It’s even easier to do on the phone than on a date because you don’t want to get all the way on a date dressed-up, your hair, makeup, and everything then get there and find out that he’s just dating for fun. A man will say that he’s interested in something more serious.
He will say that to you, especially if he doesn’t know you because you’re not putting any pressure on him. If he doesn’t share, if he’s evasive or if he avoids the answer, then you have your answer already because he’s not even willing to be intimate about what he wants. Maybe he just doesn’t even know. Maybe you would say something like, “I’m clear on what I’m looking for and I’ve spent a lot of time getting clear. That’s important to me. Maybe the next step for you is to spend some time figuring that out. I wish you the best on that journey. It takes as long as it takes.” Always remaining positive in this whole process is what I recommend. You want to make sure that you’re in-sync in the very beginning within the first three dates that you are both dating for the same reason. Whether or not you’re a match, that has yet to be seen.
Believe What You Hear
The second tip that I want to share with you on fast-tracking you to a commitment is to believe what you hear. If a man says that he’s dating for casual, to meet casually, then believe him because he’s giving you important information. Don’t try to convert him because your energy is great and you have great chemistry and you’re attracted to him and he’s good looking or he has a lot of money. Whatever the reasons are, it doesn’t matter what they are, he doesn’t want what you want. That’s the number one key to it. There can be times when there are exceptions to this rule. I can’t go into every single one of them, so I’m going to give you a hard and fast rule. I know that there are exceptions that you can convert a man or a man will change his mind, but I don’t recommend that. When I was dating my husband and I asked him on the phone the first time we spoke, “What are you looking for? Why are you online? What are you dating for?” He said, “I’m interested in a long-term committed relationship.” I go, “So am I,” then we kept talking. It was so casual. It was like we just went through it. It wasn’t a big deal. Here’s a thing with him though, he was married for 25 years before he met me. He already had a long-term committed relationship.
I feel, in my humble opinion, the men who have been married for a long period of time will want to get back into the nook with a woman. They’re accustomed to being in a relationship. They stayed in that relationship because there’s a lot about the relationship that they liked or that they feel more comfortable in a relationship than out. I would say most people feel more comfortable in a relationship than out. If he tells you that he’s only interested in dating for casual, then I would believe him, unless there are some different circumstances that would make that an exception. I would definitely believe him, especially if he tells you right out the bat. You’re looking for a long-term committed relationship that leads to marriage, leads to living together, or leads to a life partnership. Whatever it is for you, do not waver on that. That’s the first rule in the Law of Attraction. You have to be clear about what you want. Then not be afraid to share what you want within the first three dates, especially in the first phone call.
Look At His Actions
The third tip that I want to give you so you can fast track your ability to get a commitment out of a man, is to look at his actions. His actions are going to tell you everything. Your actions tell everything too, so you want to watch your own fear of commitment. Be it things that start to surface as you get closer to someone. Going back to looking at his actions, if he’s showing up for you. He’s calling you, he’s texting you, he’s taking you out, and he’s thinking about you. Considering you in future plans, making comments about things you could do together down the road, then those are signs that he’s considering you as a potential partner because he’s showing up. It’s all about the action, less about the words. Make sure you keep an eye on those actions. If his actions start not matching his words, then you definitely have a problem. You can’t trust someone that doesn’t follow through. When you want a committed relationship, having a man that follows through is the most important thing because you need someone that you can depend on. I certainly want someone I can depend on. Their actions start to become the thing that stands out the most.
Live Your Own Life
The fourth tip I want to give you on how to fast track a commitment is to live your own life. You want to be keeping your hobbies and keeping your friends. If you don’t have any hobbies, get something going for yourself. It could be joining a book club. I’m not saying that you need to climb a mountain, you need to have an interest so that you have something to talk about. You want to have your own interests. You want to keep those interests going all through the relationship. Somebody cannot hold you as your object of attention 24/7, it’s impossible. We all have jobs. We have family and we have other things that pull our attention away. As long as you’re grounded in your own life, you’ll feel secure in you so that if it doesn’t work out, you have a life to fall back into. You don’t even have to fall back into it because you never let it go, to begin with. You want to make sure you maintain those interests and keep striving for that balance.
Stick To A Reasonable Time-frame
The fifth thing that I want to share so that you can fast track your way to a commitment is you want to look at a reasonable time-frame and stick with it. What I feel is a reasonable time-frame is two years tops to meet a man, to date, to become exclusive, to get engaged and be married. Maybe a little over two years or under two years. I certainly have clients that have been married in six months. I especially believe this to be true as we age. I feel that we’re clearer in what we want. We are more skilled in those areas in our ability to determine and see the red flags and just bypass them as we mature. It can take less. It’s okay to get married in six months if you meet somebody and you guys are clicking from the very minute and you have these discussions, then why wait especially when you’re older.
Make sure you stick to your timeline. What’s reasonable? I make sure that you establish what you want within the first three dates so that you’re not dating and going, “I don’t know what he wants.” After the first three weeks, you’re looking for him to ask you to be exclusive. He initiates that conversation. Not sleeping with a man unless he has initiated the exclusivity conversation and you have the STD conversation. You talked about sleeping together or maybe even talking about a vision for the future. You can just say things sweetly like, “Do you want to take it to the next level? I’ve been thinking nothing about that. Since we’re talking about it, why don’t we throw in that talk about our health? Let’s have that conversation right here.” You can drop it into the conversation right then and there. I recommend doing that, not when you’re in an intimate position because that can damper the mood. Play around with that, but make sure you have that conversation.Relationships that are emotionally honest are emotionally intimate. Click To Tweet
After you become exclusive, those first couple of months should show you what his intentions are. He already knows if he’s going to commit to you. Women take longer to decide or women have just as much fear of commitment than men do, and maybe even more so. We have to continue to work on our own blocks and emotional issues that come up when we get close to a man. If you’re dating a man for longer than six months and you guys aren’t planning a future together, I would definitely sit him down. I would say eight months would be the cutoff, but you decide. This is where you have to establish a reasonable timeline in your mind. For me, it was six months but then it got to seven months and I was going, “This is not going where I want it to go, so I’m going to sit and have a talk with Michael.” That’s what I did. I had a talk with him. You have this talk with him when you are detached from an outcome. You want to be with him, but if he’s not interested in what you’re interested in, which is a long-term committed relationship that’s planning a marriage, then you’re willing to lead the relationship. You’re willing to vote with your feet and find somebody else that is feeling that at that time in their life.
Why did I say that? It wasn’t like I’m going to give him up but in a way, yes. What I wanted needed to be the most important thing. You have to make your dream the most important thing. They need to know that because them knowing that makes you more of a challenge. They know that you’re clear on what you want and that you will lead the relationship if you don’t get what you want and you’ll find somebody who will give you what you want. Sometimes it comes down to timing. I hope it didn’t sound harsh, but what I’m trying to say is that it comes down to timing. If you can have that conversation, it could sound something like this and I love this word vision, “What’s your vision for us? What do you see for our future together?” Then be quiet and let him talk. Let him tell you what his vision is.
If he doesn’t share anything with you, the next day ask him, “We were talking and I asked you what your vision was and you didn’t say anything. I’m wondering what’s going on with that. Usually, when we talk, you’re more than happy to share with me. When you’re holding back, that’s not okay with me. I need you to be completely forthright with me.” That’s an intimacy issue. If your guy isn’t giving you any feedback on the vision, he knows what it is. He’s not being forthright with you, then that’s an intimacy violation. If you’re sleeping with him and you have this close relationship. You’re spending the night at his house, he’s spending the night at your house, you have the right. It is your right in terms of the intimacy of that relationship. It requires that you’re both emotionally honest. If you’re not emotionally honest, then you don’t have, by definition, an intimate relationship.
Relationships that are emotionally honest are emotionally intimate and that’s what you’re looking for, for him to be intimate with how he feels. He might be afraid to share that with you, but you still have to continue to ask him. Eventually, if he’s not willing to share that with you, you can say, “I see that I’m not getting the answer from you that I feel I deserve and because of that, I need to step back and do some soul-searching to see what I’m going to do next.” I would say, “I’m not breaking up with you, but I definitely need to just spend some time alone to get clear on what I want to do about this. I don’t want to spend my time with you when you’re not able to be emotionally honest with me.” You say that coming from love. You let him know that it’s unacceptable to be emotionally withholding because you’re setting up the relationship to be that way. That’s why you have that hard talk. Be prepared for him to walk and that’s okay because if he does, you have your answer. I know that’s painful, but you cannot stay in relationships that aren’t going anywhere. That’s why you want to have a timeline.
Don’t Waste Your Time
You want to be clear. He might withdraw as well and spend some time in his cave thinking about what he’s going to do if you do choose to leave him. He’s going to come back around if he sees a future with you. He’s going to solidify it with plans for the future and that’s going to make you so happy and then things will move forward. If he doesn’t come back around and he doesn’t solidify things for the future, then you haven’t wasted any more time. You have learned the skill of sticking your neck out and having a lot of emotional courage, which is what you have to have if you want to be in a committed, exclusive, and long-term relationship. It takes a lot of emotional courage to be in a relationship because you have to show somebody who you are and that takes courage. It takes knowing who you are. The bottom line is don’t waste your precious time is my last tip. Be more emotionally courageous right up-front and all through the relationship. Set appointments to talk about things that are delicate, that are uncomfortable. If it’s uncomfortable, that’s a sign you probably need to talk about it.