You know “Debbie Downer” the Saturday Night Live character that frequently adds bad news and negative feelings to a gathering thus bringing down the mood of everyone around them?
Do you find yourself getting discouraged from time to time and guilty of being a Debbie Downer? Or perhaps you know a friend like this?
Do any of these thoughts ever cross your mind?
“There are no good men left.”
“There are only scammers online.”
“I’m I’ve been online for five months and only been on one date, what’s wrong with me?”
“Things will never change, so why bother?”
“I’m probably going to be alone.”
“How will a high-quality man find value in me?”
What do all of these statements have in common?
They are coming from a place of scarcity, lack, fear, and victimhood.
They suggest that you don’t believe you are the creator of your life, but rather the victim of circumstances. But the reverse is actually true.
You are the creator of your love life.
Spoiler alert!! You may be stuck in victim mode! This is a REALLY easy trap to fall into! You have suffered, and because of that, have come to believe that there are no good men out there or that if there ARE, they won’t notice you or want you. (I was totally in victim mode before I did my inner work).
When you are stuck in this victim frequency, it’s hard to think about taking risks and playing bigger in life. Heck, you can hardly get out of bed when you are stuck like this!
And, it’s so easy to fall prey to all the negative thinking because everyone around you seems to be getting what they want but you! Which just reinforces “you are not good enough.”
It’s exhausting, and eventually, you start believing that you are better off alone. But, you know down, that you are longing to share your life with someone.
And you will!
As soon as you start to focus on yourself and stop beating the drum of what you don’t want!
Your journey is of personal growth and begins with focusing on yourself and what you do want. Loving yourself is vital. You’ve got to stop looking for someone else to fill the space in you.
You are already complete. The man isn’t the answer; he’s the compliment. A bonus. The icing on the cake. When you are in victim mode, you send the message that the man is the answer and that’s a heavy burden that most men run from!
If you’re serious about a real Soulmate connection, your main goal is self-work, self-love, and self-acceptance. You will need to heal the hurt from the past and release its hold on you. This will help you hold healthy physical and emotional boundaries.
When you have good boundaries, you will start to put your needs and wants above everyone else’s, and that will raise your self-esteem and self-respect!
Men will start noticing you and treating your different.
If you have any negative put down swirling around in your head, think about what you would say to your best friend or sister or daughter if she were telling you these things about herself. Then rewrite the script with love.
Cultivating a positive relationship with yourself is the building block for attracting your Soulmate.
Look at your life for ways you already feel love. Appreciate what is already there.
You don’t NEED to become a “whole new you” to attract a Soulmate. Rather, it is time to examine your individual patterns and discover what vibrational frequency you’re putting into the universe. It’s adjusting this frequency that can make the difference between attracting Mr. Right…or Mr. Ugh-I-Can’t-Believe-I’m-HERE-Again!
I want to invite you to my new F*R*E*E webinar–coming soon– to help you change your frequency so you can attract the right man!