Archive for All About You
Today’s Live Video
Sometimes in the course of a relationship there comes what I call the point of no return. Maybe it’s yet another canceled date. Maybe he listened with half an ear yet again after he asked you about your day. Maybe he didn’t ask about your day at ALL! Whatever “it” is, your gut knows it and will tell you in no uncertain terms that it’s time to move on.
When I work with a client, I encourage her to be attuned to how a man “shows up” for her. Does he, for example, make plans and keep them (as opposed to saying he doesn’t care what restaurant she picks)? Remember how she hates mushrooms? Listen to her and ask follow-up questions when they talk? The definition of showing up is different for every woman, but if your man doesn’t do it early and often, it’s almost always better to break things off sooner rather than later!
“Easy for you to say, Jaki!” I know, I know. Hear me out.
What’s Blocking Your Dream Man from Finding You Online?
Take the Swipe Right quiz and find out if you’re blocking your dream man by making online dating mistakes.
Of course, it’s hard to let go of the “known,” but remember that your pangs of regret and hesitancy are coming from a place of fear, not love. And we always, always want to operate from a place of love and acceptance. It’s best to pause and breathe and reframe an ended relationship, not as a waste of time but rather a lesson in which you gained clarity about what you don’t want. When you think of things that way, you reinforce your self-love and will resolve to go after what you really deserve next time! Let go of who isn’t for you, and you’ll have space and freedom to make room for someone better. It is that simple.
Are you still not sure it’s better to get out sooner? Here’s some perspective from one of my clients!
“I decided to end the relationship about a week ago. I found N. to be too intense and needy. He wanted my undivided attention and for us to be together ALL the time. He was controlling and jealous of my other relationships with friends and family. I became less attracted to him the more I got to know him. I discussed the issues and my concerns with him. Rather than working together on a solution, he told me he “needed more” from me! At that point, I knew there was no point in continuing the relationship. Yet, I am so thankful for having dated him, as I learned a lot about myself and what I do and don’t want in a relationship.”
What’s Blocking Your Dream Man from Finding You Online?
Take the Swipe Right quiz and find out if you’re blocking your dream man by making online dating mistakes.
This is a perfect example of what I’m talking about. Instead of wallowing in fear and feeling uncertain if she did the right thing, my client now has clarity and feels HOPEFUL about what’s possible. She’s not clinging to N. as if he’s the only man on Earth – she knows he isn’t!
Besides, in this era of internet dating, your new possibilities are right there in a simple click or swipe – you just need to be open to them!
If you feel stuck and unhappy with who you’re dating, time to take stock, ask yourself if this is how you’ve dreamed a relationship would be…and if not, time to move on!
xo
Jaki
What’s Blocking Your Dream Man from Finding You Online?
Take the Swipe Right quiz and find out if you’re blocking your dream man by making online dating mistakes.
Is He Bread-crumbing You?
Ladies, there is yet another new dating buzz word that I need you to be aware of. It’s called bread-crumbing, and in my opinion, it’s even worse than ghosting! Why? Because as painful and irritating it is to be ghosted, at least you know it’s time to move on. With bread-crumbing, a man keeps you hanging on through the least amount of effort he can – in effect, tossing you crumbs – and leaves you wondering if he really wants to date you, or if you’re just a back-up plan.
You may know it as being strung along. He gives you just enough attention to keep you around, running hot and cold, depending on his whims and his schedule. Not cool at all! Here are some red flags to look out for to guard against this obnoxious behavior!
Take the Swipe Right Quiz and find out if you’re blocking your dream man by making online dating mistakes. hyper link to quiz.
- You get sporadic communication from him – a text here, a DM there (oh do they love the DMs!)…and not on a daily basis. It’s almost like these guys have ESP. When you finally get fed up with the inconsistency, they sense it and crank up the contact for a few days in a row or a week. You get your hopes up and then – crickets for days. Again. Ugh!! Remember, it takes only seconds to send someone a text; if he can’t even do that, do you really think he’s planning a fabulous weekend away with you?
- He isn’t one to make concrete plans a week ahead of time (or ever in some cases!). He knows he doesn’t have to because you’re so into him that he can drop you a line at 7 pm on Friday, asking if he can stop by later that evening…and you know what he’s looking for. Don’t be his booty call!
- He often cancels plans you do manage to make, and you get the impression he got a better offer—multiple times.
- He becomes offended if you point out his rotten behavior. Then, to prove he isn’t doing it, he will pour on the attention for a little while. That is until you’re comfortable. Get ready to pick up those crumbs again!
- Your BS meter is going through the roof! Women know when we aren’t someone’s priority. The trouble is, we often fall into the trap of thinking we can change the behavior. That if we just give him some time to see how wonderful things could be, he’ll come around. I want you to stop doing this. Pay heed to that inner voice that’s tipping you off about the middle-of-the-night texts that say “thinking of you” when he hasn’t thought enough to actually to see you in person in weeks! Don’t make excuses for him.
Take the Swipe Right Quiz and find out if you’re blocking your dream man by making online dating mistakes. hyper link to quiz.
Friends, your time and love are just too precious to waste on low-quality men who play games like this! The cost of maintaining contact with someone who bread-crumbs comes in the form of uncertainty and anxiety, never wanting to be without your phone lest you miss a message from him, or keeping your calendar open in case he has some free time. It’s not happening! You deserve better than this manipulative situation (and believe me, it is – there’s plenty of forethought!)
Please know that there are quality men out there who, like you, have had enough of the games and who know time is valuable. Stop collecting those crumbs! Tell this guy his little birdie is flying the coop… and mean it.
Take the Swipe Right Quiz and find out if you’re blocking your dream man by making online dating mistakes. hyper link to quiz.
With Valentine’s Day rapidly approaching, I’ve been hearing from many ladies in my group that they’re unsure of how to navigate the day.
Maybe you’re wondering the same!
You know how you’d like to celebrate, and may even have some bling in mind for your guy to give you as a gift. Yet, the ghosts of Valentine’s past spring up and you don’t know if you should just keep your mouth shut and let him take the lead or give a subtle hint about what you’re hoping for.
One woman I know is already feeling disappointed because he hasn’t said anything – but neither has she!
You don’t have to stay silent, ladies! Men are not mind readers, and while Valentine’s Day can be full of love and fun, it’s also a holiday that puts a LOT of pressure on men. If they don’t do enough, they’re in trouble. If they go overboard, they can also be in trouble (if it scares their partner off!).
Do them a favor and speak up so there’s little chance for confusion or disappointment on either of your parts. As we know, men are not known for their mind-reading abilities. This isn’t the time to hint around. They either won’t notice or worse, will find it annoying! Use a Valentine’s ad on tv as a springboard if you want, but from there, nothing beats the direct approach. What would feel best for you? A night out? A sparkly new necklace? A weekend away? Go over in your mind the possibilities and see what your gut tells you. You’ll know what the sweet spot is, where you get what you want, and he feels appreciated by giving it to you.
Click here to take the Love Forecast and find out how close you are to attracting your soulmate and who your celebrity Soul Sisters Are!
It’s important, however, to not use a hammer to drive home your expectations! Instead, use your feather. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – gentle guidance wins the day. Your current man isn’t to blame for your past Valentine’s Day disappointments so don’t go into complaining mode and give him the impression that he better deliver – or else! Better to give him some ideas of some special gifts you’d love, or the name of a new restaurant you’d like to try, or…well, use your imagination! If you wrap your
request around words of excitement and joy that you’re so happy to have him to celebrate the day with, he will want to come through for you.
Isn’t this a much better scenario than finding out on February 13th he got a reservation somewhere you hate, on the 15th, because the place was full for Valentine’s Day? Or receiving a bouquet of flowers when you’re allergic? Or a gold necklace when you’re partial to silver?
Don’t be afraid, to be honest, and get your needs met this Valentine’s Day! May it be a day full of love and light for you this year.
Click here to take the Love Forecast and find out how close you are to attracting your soulmate and who your celebrity Soul Sisters Are!
Something has been puzzling me. Why do I know so many women who won’t settle for less than the best in everything they do – caring for their family, their career, how they present themselves to the world – yet will continue to make excuses for the men they date who continually disappoint them?
I had a friend who, in her 20’s, had a boyfriend who would call her on the spur of the moment, and she would jump at the chance to spend time with him even though he hadn’t given her any notice. His birthday gift to her one year was a collection of stuffed animals from a smoky bar’s “claw machine,” and they smelled like it too. She explained away this kind of thoughtlessness by saying he was so busy; he was saving his money for a house, etc. etc. etc. Mind you, and this was a woman who had a graduate degree, a good job, great looks – the whole package. She was (is!) thoughtful and kind and would never treat anyone the way this guy treated her. Yet she hung on for several years, thinking she would be the one to change his behavior. Spoiler alert – she didn’t.
No matter how many times her friends and family told her he was not good for her, it wasn’t until she finally realized she was worth more than that she finally cut him loose.
It’s one thing to put up with that kind of behavior from a man when you’re young and naïve. Quite another to be in your 40’s or beyond, mature, successful, and accomplished!
I want to challenge you this year to honor the woman you are today!
Raise both your standards and your self-esteem by refusing to spend your precious time on men who clearly aren’t interested in a long-term, mutually beneficial, and authentic relationship. Look closely at your dating pattern. Does any of this behavior sound familiar in your partners, past or present? If so…time to re-examine!
- He always wants you to come to him – meeting at the restaurant near him or driving his way for the evening.
- He has no interest in planning anything to delight or surprises you, let alone impress you, with a date (in fact, often says, “Whatever you feel like doing is fine”)
- He sees you when it’s convenient – for HIM
- He is hesitant to introduce you to his friends, let alone his family
- Your last “gift” was purchased thoughtlessly, and at the last minute (or worse, your birthday/anniversary/big promotion was forgotten altogether!)
If you saw a friend dealing with this kind of garbage in her relationship, wouldn’t you be fed up for her? Wouldn’t you tell her to move on? Of course, you would.
Be a friend to yourself, and repeat that you deserve nothing less than the best. Then start working on finding it!
According to the hugely successful dating site eHarmony, more than 600,000 of their members have gotten married to people they met on the site. And that is a stat from just ONE internet dating service!
Clearly, online dating is not going away anytime soon, and it can be a fantastic tool to use to practice your dating and conversation skills while you search for your “one and only.” You can learn how to use these sites to weed out poor matches and reel in the good ones!
I admit I am a fan – it was online that I met my husband. Trust me; there ARE quality men out there just waiting to connect with you!
“But Jaki,” I can hear you saying, “how do I figure out who is on there for a relationship and who is just there for a good time?”
Click here to take the 2020 Love Forecast and find out what’s in store for your Love Life and who your celebrity Soul Sisters are!
Let me show you.
1). Ask more questions! This is the number one opportunity that women miss when contacting men online. If you see a photo of him standing with his skis, for instance, don’t comment on how beautiful the background scenery is! He will just respond with an “It sure was! Thanks!’ And you’re done. Instead, ask a question! How long has he been a skier? Or where does he like to ski? Then you have opened a dialogue, and after a bit of back and forth, you can say how nice it was to chat and sign off, leaving the door open for him to contact you again! And if he does, you know he’s interested.
2). You can pick dating sites that are more selective in their members and demand more transparency in the beginning about what type of relationship they want. Do your research! Don’t sign up for a “friends with benefits” type site if you want a “looking for a long-term partner” site! There is a site for everyone, and starting where YOU want to ultimately land is of utmost importance. As Maya Angelou once said, “When someone tells you who they are, believe them.” Don’t try meeting someone who is clearly just out for a good time in the hopes that you’ll change their mind – it just does not work that way.
3). Be true to what you want in a partner, and don’t settle. It may take a few go-rounds with some “Mr. Almosts” before you find THE one. You have set high standards for yourself in most areas of your life – why would you sell yourself short in this one? Take your time getting to know people. As I said before, the internet is a great way to practice flirting and banter in a low-risk environment via online chatting before deciding to meet in person (ALWAYS in a public place by the way!).
4). Align your personal dating profile with your desire. Don’t try and attract someone by writing what you think men want. You have to start from an authentic place of what YOU want. This doesn’t mean you write, “I want a ring within a year!” It means you think long and hard about how you want to be treated. What values are most important to you. The activities you enjoy that you want to share with someone special. Be confident in your choices. The more “into” your own life you are, the more the right guy will hone in on you. You show that you’re dynamic and interesting and not looking for a man to be the center of your life; rather, you want the perfect man to complement your life as it is!
I know the prospect of putting yourself out there can be intimidating. But online dating can open you up to a whole new world of possibilities. My advice? Pick a site that most closely aligns with what you want and try it out for a bit. Then if you’re not comfortable or feel like you’re not making good connections, take a week break. Then get back online!
As always, I’m here to help. You’ve got nothing to lose!
Click here to take the 2020 Love Forecast and find out what’s in store for your Love Life and who your celebrity Soul Sisters are!
I’ll never forget the night a friend of mine came to me in tears! She had been at happy hour with a man she had a huge crush, listening to him talk about his day, fantasizing about what it might be like to be married to him when all of the sudden he said the thing that broke her heart. “Oh Amy,” he said tenderly and genuinely, “you are SUCH a good friend.”
OUCH!
Here she was, wedding planning in her mind while the whole time he was thinking of her as a buddy. It’s so disheartening and honestly, it can make a woman question herself, her worth, even her femininity!
(Click here to take the Love Forecast and find out what’s in store for your love life and who your celebrity Soul Sisters are!)
Here are three things you can do to avoid getting boxed into the friend zone!
- Avoid talking too much about frivolous things– This is the number one thing that causes a man to see you as a friend. Women make the mistake of thinking men love to hear all about you, your life, your thoughts, your plans, your outfits. You get the idea. If you’re constantly asking for his advice or giving HIM advice, he’ll start to see you as a sounding board, not a potential romantic partner.
- Wear dresses – Dial up your outfits if you feel you’re getting friend-zoned. When you put on a dress it immediately separates you from your guy’s other friends. Dresses scream “WOMAN” and men love You’ll feel more feminine and he’ll feel more masculine and he will see you as a lady and not a friend. This works like magic. I know it sounds simple but try it and watch what happens!
- Avoid Oversharing – This is a huge problem when dating and it’s about boundaries. When you over share not only is it a turn-off but you’ve taken away a very important aspect of attraction! Mystery and intrigue. They may listen but they could lose respect for you and tune you out. Save the oversharing for your girlfriends
I’ll never tell you to be fake, but who doesn’t appreciate a little extra effort. Turn up the charm, send those attraction signals and you’ll quickly shift from buddy to BABE!
Love,
Jaki
PS: (Click here to take the Love Forecast and find out what’s in store for your love life and who your celebrity Soul Sisters are!)