One of the most frustrating things about dating is when you end up wasting time. It happens a lot when we are younger because we just don’t spot the red flags early on. We don’t have the important discussions upfront. Or maybe we let things slide that aren’t as easy to ignore when we get older.
But even a seasoned dater may not know exactly how to fast-track commitment, so I wanted to give you some of my favorite tips to keep you from wasting your time and really get to where you want to be in a relationship.
1. Be clear about what you’re looking for from the beginning. I don’t want you to feel awkward about doing this because it’s really an important step. When you’re honest upfront, it gives him the chance to be honest, too. And frankly, it can keep both of you from wasting time.
When you initially talk on the phone, let him know what you’re looking for when you’re dating. Say, “I’m excited about starting a family someday” or “I’m excited to find someone to spend my life with.” Then ask, “What about you?” Most men will be honest here and let you know what they want from dating. If your answers aren’t the same, then you know right off the bat that you aren’t a match. Be polite and wish him luck.
2. Believe what you hear. If he says he’s looking for casual dating, then don’t try to convert him. There is a very slim chance that he will decide he wants more from you, and you don’t want to waste your time. You want what you want. So don’t settle. You’ll just be disappointed in the end.
3. Observe his actions. When you’re dating, sometimes fear of commitment or other hang–ups will show up when you get closer to someone. Make sure his actions match the words. You deserve someone who follows through, and you want someone you can depend on. If he’s making plans for several months down the road—“We should go to that concert together this summer”—then see what he does to follow through on that idea.
Consider a reasonable time frame for moving forward, and stick with it. So many women ask me what is an acceptable amount of time to go from dating to being exclusive to getting engaged to getting married. It’s whatever you feel comfortable with. As you age, you may tighten the time frame because you’ll spot the red flags faster. And yes, it’s OK to get married in 6 months, especially if everything is clicking.
Follow your gut. It’s called “women’s intuition” for a reason. It’s strong. It’s aligned with your truth. And it will never mislead you!
I want you to picture what you do on a normal day.
Whatever your daily routine is, I can guarantee that it is exactly that: routine. When we get into a routine, we get comfortable, right? It’s human nature. But if you do the same thing every day, do you expect anything to change? If you want to welcome a man into your life, then we have to get out of this rut.
Let me explain.
We live in our comfort zones. That’s pretty normal. We do the same things all the time because we feel comfortable with the familiar. Our brains know what to expect, so we follow the same paths again and again.
But this is also how we get in our own way. There is no RISK in your comfort zone, right? And meeting someone new is a big risk. In fact, sometimes it can be such a big leap out of your comfort zone that, as much as you want to meet someone, your brain might just shut that idea down.
“I’d talk to him, but I’m busy.” “I’d give him my number, but I doubt he’ll call anyway.” “I’d like to go to that singles event, but it’s been a long week.”
Comfort zone, comfort zone, comfort zone. Right?
When you don’t want to push your boundaries, you have to take baby steps to expand your comfort zone. The discomfort is only temporary. I promise!
Start by making changes to your routines (basically, make them less “routine”). Schedule more Zoom dates, try intermittent fasting, or start a regular meditation practice.
Doing things, a little differently will make you more comfortable with taking risks and trying new things.
After all, your man is in the unknown, and we want to find him, right?
There’s no getting around it: Having a sexual relationship means that you’ll need to talk about sexually transmitted diseases. If you’ve been hesitant about having a conversation with a potential partner, you’re not alone. Many people feel nervous discussing STDs, whether out of fear, embarrassment, or just plain uncertainty about what to say.
Sometimes, we get so stuck in our heads when we’re worried about making the right impression in a new relationship. It can make us feel stiff and uncertain. And that can make us come across as cold.
You truly have to believe in your value so it shines through. THIS is what a man needs to see to commit. You need to show him that you have something to offer that other women don’t. Talk about what is really important to you and let him into your world. You want to be with someone who respects your interests, so don’t worry about being judged.
The second part of this is being vulnerable. Vulnerability is NOT a weakness. It’s about having the strength and courage to be open and honest, with no guarantee of a result. That is FAR from weak!
Vulnerability helps you connect on a deep level. Open up and show him your true self. Men innately want to help and, honestly, take care of a woman, even if it’s just a few little things—we’re not talking about a 1950s housewife, by the way. Let him see that you’re a real person, not just your Facebook profile (come on, we all know those are everyone’s highlight reels).
When you show him that you have frustration or uncertainty—just like everyone else—it opens up that beautiful space of love so you can have deep conversations. Be real. Let him be there for you.
Sometimes a man will offer to help you with something because it makes them feel like they are taking care of you, so be open to receiving. If he offers to do something for you, take him up on it. Be appreciative! If he’s trying to do something that will make your life easier, even if it’s picking up Mexican to go for dinner, that’s a step in the right direction!
Being Playful Isn’t Just for Kids!
One of the many things I’ve learned in my career over the years is that playfulness is a feminine quality that men love. They appreciate a woman who can be carefree and spontaneous, ready to take on a fun new adventure! I know my husband Michael loves that side of me.
It probably won’t surprise you to learn, however, that lately I just haven’t felt very playful. and I realize I’ve been more serious and somber than usual. And no matter how much I try to balance the stress of current events with good things and joy, it’s been taking a toll on me. Are you in the same boat? I know MANY women who are.
I’m focusing on amping up my playfulness factor this month, both for my well-being and for my family’s. I invite you to do the same! Think of how happy you were as a kid after a day spent running around outside, playing in a sprinkler, bike riding, even reading under a shady tree. You can recapture that feeling even now.
There are plenty of little things you can build into your days that can bring a lighter mood and a smile to your face. You need that – we are living through an incredibly stressful time.
Here are a few things I’m planning to do to bring back my sense of play! They’re easy and can make a big impact on your mood and outlook.
This is just a starting point, and I’m sure you have some ideas of your own. If you have a minute, drop me a line and let me know how YOU are going to recover your sense of playfulness. I want to know!
Remember- you landed here because a loving relationship with a man who adores you is one of your most important life goals.
When you awaken your sense of play, you become irresistible! He is navigating this crazy world too! Men don’t talk about it as much, but they are feeling the heaviness just as much as we are.
And when he sees you, light, carefree, and reveling in feminine playfulness, you will be the exact breath of fresh air he’s craving right now!