Nothing is more thrilling in life than having a man chase you. It can be exciting, fun, mysterious, and scary. It just gets all the juices flowing. You definitely want to give a man a good chase for his money because men want to win. They want to win and they want to win you, and you can’t make it too easy for them because they’ll lose interest and find somebody else. Jaki shares some real-life skills that you need to learn and understand so you can stop chasing men and have them chase you instead.

—

Watch the episode here:

Stop Chasing Men And Have Them Chase You!

I’m creating these series for you to support you to calling in your soul mate. This is my favorite topic. I say that about everything I talk about, but I love this topic, how to stop chasing men and have them chasing you. Nothing is more thrilling in life than having a man chase you. It can be exciting, fun, mysterious, and scary. It just gets all the juices flowing, that’s for sure. You definitely want to give a man a good chase for his money because men want to win. They want to win and they want to win you, and you can’t make it too easy for them because then they’ll lose interest and they’ll find somebody else who will. It’s not a game. Nothing that I teach or the strategies that I talk about are games. These are real-life skills that you need to learn and understand how men aren’t much different than we are. If we cultivate our own feminine qualities in ourselves, then we can show up in a way that is a compliment to the man and that’s what he is looking for. He’s looking for that compliment.

Engage Them A Little Bit

I want to start off with a story. I’ll tell you about one of my clients and this is a great story. You’re going to love it. She was just newly divorced. Literally, the divorce papers came and she was very distraught and she had called me up and said, “I want to do a VIP weekend.” It was snowing and it was ski season and I knew that she skied and I said, “Why don’t we go up to Mammoth for a ski weekend so that I can support you?” I did that. I flew into where she was. We drove up to Mammoth and had a weekend skiing. She was newly single and I was her wing woman. We went out to a bar that night and it was packed full of men. The mountain was full. There were men everywhere and a couple of men came right up to us and started talking to both of us. This one man was interested in her. He was talking to her. I had already coached her on what to do. She was talking to him, but then what I told her to do is go ahead and engage them a little bit, but make sure you turn back and talk to me. Don’t just keep talking to him because that’s what she used to do.

She did that. She was talking to him. Then she turned her back and started talking to me. What happened was in that moment he started talking to his friend, but he was also looking over at us. What I want you to know here, if you’re out in a social setting, this can help. It’s okay to approach men or be approached by men. That’s okay, but you don’t want to overly engage them. This little strategy is if they come up to you or you go up to them, that’s okay. You can say, “I noticed that you guys came in with that big group. Are you here as a part of the convention?” or whatever is applicable. Then after you get a little connected, then you turn back to your friend and you re-engage her. What this does is it creates a little tension because you connected and then you did a takeaway, now you disconnect.

What this does and why this is important for you to know is that at that moment, this man now feels that disconnect. He feels that takeaway and men do not like that. They want to win. You just created a little challenge for him to re-engage you. If he doesn’t reengage you, then he’s either intimidated or he’s not interested or you didn’t give them enough of the signal. You definitely want to give them enough of a conversation where you talk a little bit and then turn back to your friend. This is what she did. She did it perfectly. She turned back to me, we were talking and then they re-engaged us. Then I knew it was game on. I knew the tension was gone. They were interested. They engaged us. They asked us to join them for dinner and it was snowing out. We went and sat down and had a little bite to eat with them. The long story short, by the end of the weekend, this man was smitten with my friend. I remember on the way driving back home, he was calling her cell phone and I said, “Don’t get the phone.”

She’s like, “What do you mean? I need to answer this phone. I like him. I want to see him again.” He lived in the same city that she did. I said, “That’s the whole thing. If you want to see him again, don’t answer the phone.” She was dying. She was like, “I have to answer this.” I’m like, “Don’t do it. You’ll kill the deal,” so she didn’t answer the phone. She’s like, “I just can’t believe anybody would do this.” I’m like, “That’s why I’m your coach.” Sure enough, it was a two-and-a-half-hour drive. By the time we got home, there was a voicemail from him saying that he wanted to talk with her. That he was going on a trip. He wants her to go with him. He had all these plans for her. That created a lot of tension.

The fact that she didn’t take his call, she was busy in the car with me and then she listened to the voicemail. The tension was on because not only did she not take the call, she didn’t call him back for several hours. Then she did return his call later that night and they had a great conversation. They ended up dating for about a year. It was good that she was following the coaching because what she wanted to do was engage them. She’s like, “These guys talk like us. Let’s continue to talk to them.” She would have made all those mistakes that maybe you’ve made in the past. I hope that little insight helps when you’re out and about. If you want to engage a man, follow that little tip.

Stop Chasing Men: The key is to stay in a receiving mode. Lean back and let him come to you.

Some Things You Could Be Doing Without Even Realizing You’re Chasing Men

Some things that are not so subtle is when we’re chasing men, you might say, “I don’t chase men.” I might say, “I think you do.” Here are some things that are subtler that you could be doing without even realizing that you’re chasing men. If you’re out on a date or you work with somebody, you may offer to do something for him. You’re out on a date. Things are going well, you’re having a great conversation. He’s interested in knowing more about this meditation or a hobby that you have that is intriguing to him. You might say, “I’d be happy to send you the link for that or send you that information.” That is chasing right there. You just took the tension off. You’re now setting up to do something for him. You’re providing something for him. You’d taken away his job. He is the provider. At that moment, he wants to provide for you/ By you offering to do something for him, you’ve made it so that he can’t win. That’s a subtle thing that women do to chase men. It pushes men away. They don’t need you to send them a link. They’re interested because you’re passionate about it, not necessarily that they want to want to do it as well. That’s a big mistake that women make that think that they’re not chasing men.

Another thing that you can do that’s very subtle that doesn’t feel like chasing is unintentionally and accidentally inviting yourself to do things with him. Say you’re on a date again or you’re on the phone. This could happen on the phone easily. He’s talking about how much he loves sports and he’s going to the Padres game and you’re just in conversation. You’re not even aware that this comes out of your mouth. You might say, “I would love to go to the Padres game.” You’re chasing. He’s backing up now because now you’re chasing him. That’s the thing with backing up. There’s body language. When you lean in like that, he backs up. The key is to stay in this receiving mode that I’ve been talking about, leaning back, and letting him come to you. The answer to that question, if he’s talking about this game and he loves sports and he’s going on about the Padres or whatever, you say, “I love how passionate you are about sports. That is amazing. That’s interesting to me.” That’s it. You just show interest in it and then leave that question mark hanging there. You gave him a green light to ask you to go to a Padres game without inviting yourself. That’s how you get invited.

Another way that’s not so obvious is overstaying phone calls, texts, and in person. I have another client that made this fatal error and you might’ve done it yourself and I know we’ve all made these mistakes. She was asked out. It was the first date. It went extremely well. They went to a beautiful restaurant overlooking the ocean. It was a wonderful date with him at the restaurant and she was excited. She got home and emailed me and said, “I had such a fantastic time. He’s incredible.” Guess what? He didn’t call her back. As soon as she told me that she had spent five or six hours at this restaurant and they had an amazing time, 85% of me was saying he’s not going to call her back. Why didn’t he call her back if they had such an amazing time? He was having a good time and they connected. It’s because she was just too available. She had no place to go so she just stayed with him all day. Her stock went down at that moment. You had like all this stock when you show up in the date and increment by increment, your stock is dropping by your behavior and you unintentionally sabotage yourself because you don’t know this.

Why Women Don’t Get Asked Out On Second Dates

What would have been a better scenario for her? Even if she was enjoying herself and he’s an amazing man is after two and a half hours, if it was amazing, after that say, “It’s been lovely. I’ve enjoyed this time. Thank you for the wonderful meal and I’ve got to get running. It was great. I’d love to do it again.” You’re letting him know that if he asks you out again, you would say yes. Then you get up and you leave and you let him watch you leave if it’s appropriate. Sometimes they’ll walk you to the door, walk you to the car and walk out to the valet. If you do walk out together and you’re going to the valet, even these little things, men pick up on all these little things. When your car comes, you just wave to him. “Bye. Thanks,” and you hop in your car and you don’t look back and you drive away. You need to keep the tension on. You need to keep him guessing just a little.

You’ve made it clear during the course of your time with him that you’re interested in him by your whole demeanor. By just getting in your car and driving away and not looking back, you’re keeping that tension on. Now, he’s interested in seeing you again. He’s excited about you because you remained a little bit mysterious. He wonders where you’re going and what you’re doing at that moment, but if you overstay on those dates or in phone conversations, you’ve answered so many questions for him. He loses interest. You’ve told them the whole story. There’s no reason to ask you out on a second date. It’s probably one of the biggest reasons that women don’t get asked out on second dates. There’s another reason why you don’t get asked on second dates and that’s because you lack boundaries. Boundaries are gold. They are gold and they’re hot. Men love a woman with healthy boundaries and it means having a little bit of sass. It doesn’t mean being cocky. That’s too strong of a word, but it’s being a little sassy.

Where that’s sass can come from? It’s from you knowing what you like and what you don’t like and not settling for doing something that you don’t want to do. In other words, it’s not being a yes woman, saying yes to everything. If you’re sitting there on a date and you’re saying, “Yes, that’s great. Yes, I agree with that. Sure. That’s fine. Order that”, yes to everything, he’s over there yawning. He can’t wait to get out of there. It’s boring and you’re not showing any individuality. You want to be agreeable. You think you’re being nice, but where you’re doing is shutting him down because he wants to know what your feelings are about things he’s interested in you.

Stop Chasing Men: Give him the opportunity to like you. Don’t close the gap too soon that you’re not leaving any tension.

For example, you go into a restaurant and maybe he’s waiting there for you and he’s sitting at a table, but you noticed that there’s a booth available. I’ve done this before and you’d rather sit in the booth. It’s okay to go up and greet him, do your greeting and then say to him, “It’s kind of loud in here.” You can lean in a little and say, “If we moved over to that booth, do you think that would be okay?” At that moment, he gets to win. He gets to go out and find out if that booth is available and get that booth for you and if it is available, he’s going to get that booth for you. He just won and he’s your hero now and now you’re in the booth. You’re like, “This is much better. I can hear you so much better. Thank you so much.” It’s okay to do that. What’s not okay is to walk in and be like, “I don’t want to sit here. It’s not very comfortable,” and start complaining about it.

You want to involve him into your vision in a gentle way, but you can certainly redirect that table. That’s having a little confidence. It’s having a little sass. It’s definitely working on your boundaries and not being afraid to share your opinions. Stay away from politics and religion on dates. Let me give you some other examples. If you want a man to chase you, there are certain qualities that a woman possessed that all men find irresistible. They’re naturally going to chase you if you can cultivate these qualities in yourself. You already have all of these qualities. They’re just muscles that have atrophied because you haven’t been using them and maybe it’s because you’ve been spending too much time in your masculine energy and maybe it’s because you just haven’t practiced enough. It does work and it’s a more natural way for men and women to connect.

Lean Back Like A Queen On A Throne

I was saying just lean back. What we’re doing is we’re creating a space of love for a man to come into. Men love to come into a woman’s space of love, but you have to stay in that space because once you lean forward or try to take the lead, there’s no space because that blocks him from coming in. What that looks like is just leaning back in your chair with your body language, not leaning forward in the conversation. You could sit up and be animated like I am, but make sure that for the most part, your posture is relaxed and you’re leaning back and you’re smiling and it’s just being graceful. It’s having a grace about you. It’s showing qualities of unconditional love and acceptance. A man is looking for a woman who’s accepting especially with him. Men can tell when we’re judging. Say the guy shows up and he’s shorter than you thought he was going to be, or he has less hair or whatever is going on. It wasn’t something that you were prepared for. A woman who’s in her feminine energy is going to roll with that. It’s not going to bother her at all. She’s going to look at him and accept him because he’s another human being and you want to focus on the being, not necessarily the behaviors. You’re looking to show up in a more accepting way, a more loved-based approach to everything, leaning back and showing your intelligence, not leading with your intellect but you’re not dimming that light at all.

It’s like a queen that sits on a throne. She’s gentle, she’s kind, and she’s empathetic. She’s listening. She’s a skilled communicator. It’s just a building up that inner queen that we all have in us. You just have to practice this by going on dates. I know a lot of women say, “I don’t want to do any practice dates,” but these men are willing to show up and give you the opportunity to practice on them. What if you make a couple of mistakes the first time? As soon as you notice you’re taking over, you can just lean back. I would recommend going on a couple of practice dates and practicing that skill. I do have a couple of questions that I wanted to answer. The first question is playing games. She said, “I hate playing games, but I feel like because I’m strong, confident, and know my own mind, I come on too strong. I’ve been told to let the guy do the chasing, play hard to get, but if I know what and who I want, I go for it and then scare them off. I need a better approach with guys that I’m interested in.” We already covered that. You do need a better approach because what you’re doing isn’t working. Men want to engage you. They want to do the chasing.

If you know you like a man, all the better. It isn’t a game, but if you like him, now you have to see if he likes you. That’s the thing. To answer this question, the problem is that you’re not giving him the opportunity to like you because you’re closing the gap too soon. You’re not leaving any tension. If you decide you like a guy, then you go for it. He hasn’t made up his mind if he likes you or not, and then you’re pursuing him and I can see why that would be a dead end for you. You’re definitely leading with that pursuit energy. If you like a guy, that’s great. Lean back and see what he does because, in that moment of watching in the unknown, I know it’s uncomfortable because you’re out of your comfort zone and you feel vulnerable. In those moments, you will discover how he feels about you. That is the information that you need to know. You need to know how he feels about you, but you’re not going to find out if you pursue him because he’s going to run away. You’ll never know.

How To Know If He’s Interested In You

The way to know if a man is interested in you is to see how much he pursues you. Just like my client who turned away and then didn’t answer the call, these are all tests to see how interested he was. Men respond to no contact. I know that sounds crazy, but at the beginning of dating, you need to know right up front because I don’t want you to waste any time because I want you to get engaged at any age and time is precious. You need to know right up front where he stands. He will reveal who he is in the very first couple of hours, a couple of days right away if you give him that opportunity. What happens with women is we get afraid that we’re going to lose them or they’re going to get away. As soon as we think that they like us, then our impulse kicks in and now we’re leaning forward and we’re chasing and that’s how we sabotage it.

Stop Chasing Men: If you’re serious about having a committed relationship, make that internal commitment to yourself to not have casual sex because you’re choosing something bigger for yourself.

Even if a guy starts out liking you, just like the woman at brunch, by the end of the day, she sabotaged the whole process because she had him on the hook, but then she left too much line. She didn’t create that tension so that she can reel him in. It’s an art. It’s a skill set that you can teach yourself, but you have to be willing to step out of your comfort zone to do it. You have to be willing to do things that you haven’t done before in order for you to have what you want. Let’s look at another question. “If I’m messaging someone on Match, is it too forward for me to ask him to meet if he seems to just want to message?” “No.” In modern dating, it’s wonderful for you to tee it up. You’re not on a date. It’s totally acceptable, especially online to go ahead and say something because you don’t want to be in an instant message relationship. You don’t want an email or text relationship. What that would look like is if you notice something in his profile. He said, “I like walking on the beach as well.” You go share a couple of intimate details. If you want him to call you, the part about that instant message, it’s important that you reveal more intimacy so that he’s intrigued.

If he says, “I’ve been to the beach,” you’re instant messaging. He writes about himself, he’s been to this beach and he loves the sunset. I want you to write back, “I love the beach because I love to put my feet in the sand and I love the way that feels. It relaxes me.” At that moment it just gives me the feeling that everything in life is okay. At that moment, everything just seemed to gel for me. If you could just get real with him in an instant message and get more descriptive, paint a vision of what you’re like and the essence of who you are, he’s going to be very captivated by that. He might respond one more time, three back and forth, and then you can say, “I’d love to hear more about that. How do you suggest we move forward?” You just pass the ball over to him. You’re not asking them out, but you’re indirectly letting him know that you’d like to talk to him. Now, it’s up to him to respond to you. If he does not say, “Let’s jump on the phone,” you walk away. You just move on to the next one because you’ve put it all in his court and you’ve done it in a graceful way.

It’s not taking the masculine but you’re not on there to have an instant message relationship. You need to create the boundary that this is all you’re going to get. Create that intimacy. The tension is you need to call me now and set it up and then he’s going to get on the phone with you. Was that helpful? That’s confusing for women. The big mistake that women make is not engaging in those instant messages in a more intimate way. I’m not talking sexually. Be very careful here. Playful, sassy, and more intimate in terms of the details. How you’re feeling. Describe it. Describe food you like or why you like it and how it makes you feel and what turns you on. I’m not talking about sexual. I’m just talking about what lights you up, what you’re passionate about. Let that spill over to those instant messages that he’ll be intrigued by you that he’ll want to meet you.

Instant Gratification Versus The Law Of Germination

Let’s take one more question. “I find that intimacy develops too soon and that it’s a huge factor in my chasing a guy. He often backs off and become disinterested while I’m emotionally hooked. Often, a long time ago after a relationship ended, I’m still getting over an ex from a year ago. Even though I know it’s over, whenever I run into him, I still look to see if he misses me. I’m trying to detach, but it’s hard. Chasing stops when a woman is not interested. It’s hard to do when sex has already happened between them.” Absolutely it is because men don’t bond sexually when they have sex with a woman, but women do. That chemical bonding happens when we have sex with a man. That’s why I recommend, if you’re serious about having a committed relationship, then it’s time for you to make that internal commitment to yourself to not have casual sex because you’re choosing something bigger for yourself. It’s foregoing the instant gratification and invoking the law of germination. You’ve got to plant that seed and give it time to grow.

You need to abstain from that initially when you’re dating so that you can see the signals that he’s sending you because you’re giving her a lot of information before you sleep with him. The moment you sleep with him, you go unconscious, you don’t see the signals. You don’t see the flag flying because now you’ve emotionally bonded. It’s a whole different playing field. In her case, she never let him go because she doesn’t believe this is a belief that she’s going to meet anybody else. It comes down to your belief system. You have to look and see, “Because I don’t let go of this man, what do I do?” You look at all the consequences that are stacking up for not letting go. It’s anchored to a belief that somewhere along the line you picked up a belief that you’re not going to meet anybody else and you need to examine that. Stop that belief from continuing to perpetuate itself in your life. Because as long as you don’t release yourself from that belief system, you’re continuing to attract men by the law of attraction to highlight, to trigger that belief so that you can heal it.

That’s why we continue to attract men that aren’t emotionally available, that aren’t going to commit to us because it’s doing that in an attempt to get us to heal that belief system that’s not serving us. What we think is it all men are cheaters. All men leave, all men abandon us, but it’s the reflection of what we believe. This is exactly what I’m going to be teaching in my Bridge to Love Program. You need to get to the core, the root, or the origin of the problem. It is the short path to meeting your soul mate. It’s not the long path. The long path is going to continue to do what you’ve done and get the same result. That’s the long path. The long path that is also for you to look at your mistakes as mistakes. All of your mistakes in life have been lessons. If you learn from them, that can be the short path. Just give yourself a break right now. If you’re listening to this and you recognize that you’ve made some mistakes because when you beat yourself up about these mistakes, it drains your energy and you need that energy.

You need that energy because you need to unconditionally love and accept yourself more than you ever have before in this dating process because the more you love and accept yourself, the more a man will. As soon as you make a mistake, I want you to quickly forgive yourself, accept yourself, and move on. Do not let your mind beat you up because it’s a waste of time that drains energy and it and it will continue to perpetuate the cycle until you learn to stop doing that. This is all that I’m teaching you in the Bridge to Love program. There are incredible bonuses. We’ve got five weeks of jam-packed tools and information. I’m going to help you to take all of the knowledge that you’ve learned. The big problem I see with women is there are amazing women. You’re all are deep. You’ve read every book. You’ve watched every events, these interviews and you’ve done a lot of work. What can happen is you have a lot of intellectual knowledge, but without being able to apply that knowledge, it’s useless. Knowledge without action is useless. I’m all about the action. I’m an Aries, I’m a dragon, and I’ve always been about the action.

I love to take action. It’s easy for me because this part comes naturally for me and that’s why I’m the perfect mentor for you. I want you to just look at that. Think about what I’ve just said. Intellectual knowledge is useless unless you take action. This course is all about helping you to finally use all the information that you’ve gathered over the years. Some incredible wisdom that you have and help you to start to apply it in your life so that you can see the results you want. It’s instantaneous. This is called the fast track program. It is. That’s what I should have called it because I don’t want you to waste another moment going on dates that aren’t producing a relationship. I don’t want to spend any more time swiping or any more time sending out notes. There is a Law of Least Effort that you can invoke right now, and that’s learning these life skills. They’re universal laws of the universe. It’s like gravity. Gravity applies to all of us. If you step off the floor of the second building, we’re all going down.

The Law Of Cause And Effect

The Law of Cause and Effect, you reap what you sow. These Universal Laws, you need to understand what they are because they apply to you. Even if you don’t believe it, then you’re right, but they still apply to you. If you don’t believe in karma, karma still believes in you because it’s science. It’s energy. Likes attract likes. Whatever energy you’re vibrating out, “I’m never going to need a man. All men are jerks,” whatever that energy is, you’re going to be attracting those men in order to confirm that you’re right. There are no good men out there. All men are jerks. Once you heal that part of you, those belief systems, you raise your vibration. You raise your stock. You show up as a sassy queen who knows her worth and knows how to lean back because she trusts that the man is going to come to her. If he doesn’t, then he’s not your guy.

Believe me, you only need one and the right man and you may have been on this treadmill for years and I do not want you to give up because the right man will come along and you won’t have to guess. He will scoop you up so fast as soon as you can stay in the receiving position because that’s what he wants. What comes with the receiving position? What comes with that position is all this incredible juiciness, a lovely essence of who you are. That’s what a man wants to connect with. He doesn’t need to connect to your intellect. He wants to connect to your heart and that’s where he wants to live and he’s out there in the world slaying the dragons. You’ve got to stay in your castle and be the queen so he can be your hero. I know that sounds airy-fairy, but it is simple. It is a skill set that you need to learn and I’m just the girl to teach you.

I hope you’ll take a look at the Bridge to Love. You’ve got an amazing group of team of love coaches that are dying to help you, to guide you and to see you get exactly what you want and get engaged at any age. I worked with women in their 50s, 60s, or 70s. We never stopped wanting love in our life. That yearning is never going to go away. Take the plunge, take the chance, and step out of your comfort zone. The energy of commitment is what you need right now. When you make a commitment to do something, the universe will rise up to meet you. The energy of committing to doing this work with me is making a statement. You’re making a declaration that I’m ready and I’m going to do whatever it takes so that I can have what I want. I hope this was helpful. Don’t chase men. Ladies, you’re all so amazing. Your value cannot be quantified in jobs, in degrees, in titles, and in material possessions. Your value resides in you knowing who you are and when you understand that, you become powerful beyond belief and you will become irresistible. Thank you so much.