Come closer, but not TOO close! (The Importance of Good Boundaries!)

Have you ever considered just how important setting strong boundaries is for dating? Sound counterintuitive? After all, we want the men to come CLOSER right? Well….sort of!

Boundaries are vital because boundaries – what you will and won’t accept from a relationship  – keep you feeling safe and confident in your own values and preferences. THEY MATTER.

When we don’t have any parameters, and instead acquiesce to whatever requests come our way, in spite of how we might feel, we become uncomfortable and even resentful, right? And is that good for the relationship? No way! It isn’t good for your mental well-being, either, and that is a really important point to remember.

💖Go here to read about joining my Inner Circle: The Engaged at Any Age Inner Circle is your best chance to fulfill your mission and find a quality man. Get access to my team and me every week, receiving advice and feedback you need to move forward on your love journey, and so much more! Go here to read about it and sign up!

Remember, men aren’t mind readers. You need to teach them how to treat you, and boundary setting can help. When you have strong, healthy boundaries, you show that you have strong and healthy self-esteem. Trust me, men respect women who communicate healthy boundaries early and often – quality men do not want to date a doormat!

The key, though, is in HOW you establish those boundaries. Time to get out your “feather,” ladies! You want to gently and consistently present what makes you comfortable as opposed to going on the defensive and withdrawing or acting out when he oversteps his bounds (especially when he may not even realize that he has!). He’ll be much more receptive if things are made clear ahead of time, lovingly and honestly. 

It’s not always just in what you say, but how you say it!

I want you to take some time and think about where you are with your boundaries – in setting them, communicating them, and reacting when you feel they’ve been violated. Are you forthright or wishy-washy? Do you react viscerally, or do you withdraw? Unless your answers make you feel content and proud, you have some work to do. Future partners will thank you. It’s as much for his sake as it is for yours. 

Remember, boundaries give a relationship structure and help you attract and keep the kind of man you want. If you find yourself with a man who isn’t respecting yours after you’ve made them clear, it’s time to move on to someone who does!

💖Go here to read about joining my Inner Circle: The Engaged at Any Age Inner Circle is your best chance to fulfill your mission and find a quality man. Get access to my team and me every week, receiving advice and feedback you need to move forward on your love journey, and so much more! Go here to read about it and sign up!

Gifts of the Pandemic. (Yes! There are some!)

It’s hard to believe that we’ve been living with the specter of Covid-19 for more than a year, isn’t it? 

However, I’m full of hope that we are seeing a light at the end of the tunnel for an end to this pandemic. But as much as I’m looking forward to a time when I don’t have to run back into the house to grab a mask when I forget, there are a few aspects of the past year that I’m going to try and maintain in the years to come.

I’m going to keep paying attention to my body when it feels run down and nourish it. I’m going to keep prioritizing staying in touch with people I care about (whether in person or over Zoom). And I’m going to keep telling myself at least 3 things for which I’m grateful every single evening before I go to bed.   

When you think of your life once Covid is eradicated (or at the very least, no longer hanging over our heads day in and day out), is it just like it was prior to 2020? Or are there some things you want to keep? Perhaps there are some aspects to pandemic life that have benefitted you, as they did me. 

You may have re-discovered a long-dormant hobby, or became a better cook, or gained a new perspective on the importance of self-care and preservation. One of the biggest benefits I’ve seen for my clients is closer connections, faster! People have been hungry for connection as we’ve been isolated over the past year, and diving into Zoom calls or video chats on dating sites has provided that for many, many single women (and men). Yes, you had to up your game on using tech, but learning to use video dating to your advantage has unlimited potential for creating genuine connection, faster, with men you’re interested in. Don’t stop using this tool once the world goes back to “normal” (and if you are still hesitant about it, I have some tips and tricks that can help ease your way into things)! 

It’s been a tough year in so many ways, but I hope that when you reflect on how you’ve handled it, you can pull out some positives that will enrich your life and relationships in the years to come. This will set you on a positive path as we move towards a “new normal” and as you move even closer to the love of your life!

💖Go here to read about joining my Inner Circle: The Engaged at Any Age Inner Circle is your best chance to fulfill your mission and find a quality man. Get access to my team and me every week, receiving advice and feedback you need to move forward on your love journey, and so much more! Go here to read about it and sign up!

NEWSFLASH! This is supposed to be FUN!

When you’re on the path to finding your soulmate, it’s important to remember to RELAX! 

This isn’t a process you can force, and it is certainly not a process that should feel stressful or exhausting!

You want to put yourself in the best possible position to find that special someone (through things like a captivating online profile, being open to meeting new people, letting friends know you’re looking, etc.) and then just enjoy the adventure! 

Even when you’re dealing with feelings of loneliness or even hopelessness, keep reminding yourself that discomfort is a vital part of growth. When you work really hard on a project, isn’t the feeling you get when you’re done that much sweeter? 

So it is with finding love! This journey can be arduous and full of ups and downs but it’s those ups and downs that allow you to appreciate true lasting love once you’ve found it. I know how much more I appreciated Michael any time I’d look back on the road I traveled to find him! 

Do your best to flow with the tougher times and enjoy as much as you can about the unfolding of your love journey. Use your time dating to figure out what you like (and don’t like), set boundaries that work for you, and be open to new possibilities. Each connection you make that doesn’t result in a lasting relationship brings you a step closer to finding that perfect match!

You never know how you’ll end up finding the One (and he IS out there). Embrace the struggle as something that is teaching you what you really want out of your life and your relationship! You don’t have to make everything about the NOW. Better to have something wonderful in the future than settle for “so-so” in the present! Just like the caterpillar feels no pressure to become a butterfly overnight, you should not pressure yourself to settle for anything less than the best. 

Men are not attracted to Debbie-downers. The tough and lonely times are meant to be used for self-care, reflection and rejuvenation! Feel what you need to feel, but give yourself a time limit. Allow 48 hours of negativity and then get back out there! 

💖Go here to read about joining my Inner Circle: The Engaged at Any Age Inner Circle is your best chance to fulfill your mission and find a quality man. Get access to my team and me every week, receiving advice and feedback you need to move forward on your love journey, and so much more! Go here to read about it and sign up!

DROP THE EXCUSES AND COME OUT OF HIDING! 

I’ve been a little bummed out lately by the number of women who have, over the past year, used the pandemic to go into hiding. Yes, we’ve all been isolated in some way during this time, but I’ve seen too many of us using that isolation to hide –  hide our weight, our loneliness, our fear of the future…so many things! This just makes me so sad! Handling the stress of COVID and its restrictions was hard enough without adding in the stress of covering up the things that are bothering us. That’s why I’m urging you to make today the day you stop hiding! 

No matter what it is that’s been holding you back, it’s time to craft a plan to move forward. It starts with being honest with yourself. For example:

• If you’re unhappy with pandemic weight gain, make some simple changes to get back on a healthier path – drink more water, cut back on sugar, start walking a few times a week. Even these small tweaks will signal to yourself that you’re ready to get back to living.
• If you’re lonely, reach out to a friend via phone or FaceTime or  Zoom. Texting is great but sometimes we all need a more personal connection. You could also think about volunteering; helping others is a natural endorphin boost (and bonus – you might even meet a quality guy while you volunteer!)
• If you can’t stop worrying about the future, I want you to remember that worrying about future events is like praying for something you don’t want! Try your best to remain present in the present. Worrying about things that may or may not even happen does nothing but rob you of your peace. 

Spring is a time for renewal and throwing off the heavy blankets of winter. What can you do for yourself today to find that sense of renewal and a brighter outlook? How can you start fresh? I love a good ritual! Maybe it’s time to do a ritual of your own. Light a candle and say goodbye to the past, then write a letter to the present, thanking it for its gifts, and another to the future about how excited you are to meet it! Don’t make the mistake of thinking this is cheesy. The way you connect to your own energy and to the universe can have a powerful impact on your results. Take charge, let go, start over and watch what happens! 

💖Go here to read about joining my Inner Circle: The Engaged at Any Age Inner Circle is your best chance to fulfill your mission and find a quality man. Get access to my team and me every week, receiving advice and feedback you need to move forward on your love journey, and so much more! Go here to read about it and sign up!