Have you ever considered just how important setting strong boundaries is for dating? Sound counterintuitive? After all, we want the men to come CLOSER, right? Well….sort of!
Boundaries are vital because boundaries – what you will and won’t accept from a relationship – keep you feeling safe and confident in your own values and preferences. THEY MATTER!
When we don’t have any parameters, and instead acquiesce to whatever requests come our way, despite how we might feel, we become uncomfortable and even resentful, right? And is that good for the relationship? No way! It isn’t good for your mental well-being, either, and that is a critical point to remember.
Remember, men aren’t mind readers. You need to teach them how to treat you, and boundary setting can help. When you have firm, healthy boundaries, you show that you have a strong and healthy self-esteem. Trust me. Men respect women who communicate healthy boundaries early, and often – quality men do not want to date a doormat!
The key, though, is in HOW you establish those boundaries. Time to get out your “feather,” ladies! You want to gently and consistently present what makes you comfortable as opposed to going on the defensive and withdrawing or acting out when he oversteps his bounds (especially when he may not even realize that he has!). He’ll be much more receptive if things are made clear ahead of time, lovingly and honestly.
It’s not always just in what you say, but how you say it!
I want you to take some time and think about where you are with your boundaries – in setting them, communicating them, and reacting when you feel they’ve been violated. Are you forthright or wishy-washy? Do you react viscerally, or do you withdraw? Unless your answers make you feel content and proud, you have some work to do. Future partners will thank you. It’s as much for his sake as it is for yours.
Remember, boundaries give a relationship structure and help you attract and keep the kind of man you want. If you find yourself with a man who doesn’t respect yours after you’ve made them clear, it’s time to move on to someone who does!