Getting dumped is never fun, but people often tend to forget that initiating the breakup can also be pretty awful — yes, you’re in control, but that doesn’t leave you immune to guilt, angst, grief, or some deeply unpleasant combo of all the above.
Here’s a few tips to follow to pave the way for the most conscious breakup possible.
Before Breakup – where to do it.
If you cared about him and or even loved him do it at his place so you can leave when you are ready.
If you dated a few times and became exclusive but not a lot of time invested it’s ok to call him. Worst case scenario is in a text. but that’s pretty ruthless.
During – Be straightforward.
Script: “There’s no easy way to do this, and it hurts me to know I’m hurting you, but I need to end this relationship.”
If they beg you to change your mind – Someone shouldn’t have to beg or convince you to love them or be with them.
If they get angry – Remember that only you can control your behaviors and emotional responses. Commit to staying calm and realize that anger is a secondary emotion, usually masking hurt, pain, and rejection.
If they get sad – You can make an empathetic comment, such as, “ know this is really hard on you, and that it’s not what you want to hear. I’m so sorry to hurt you.”
If they promise to change – This is a common reaction to a breakup: Your partner will make promises, whether it’s to change, go to therapy, or do whatever you want to make it work. However, these types of changes should have already been discussed before you actually decided to break up.
After – Tell your friends and family right away. Prioritize your physical and emotional health. The most important coping skills involve managing your physiological needs for proper sleep, diet, exercise, and quality time with supportive friends. You may also want some time to yourself to cry it out. Just don’t self-medicate with drugs, alcohol, rebound sex, stalking your ex on social media, or frequently contacting him.
Make a game plan for social media – If it’s an amicable breakup, you may want to agree on a day to change your relationship status, giving you both time to share the news with friends and family before they see it publicly. After this, you may want to block/remove/unfriend, since no one successfully goes from lovers to friends overnight, and remind yourself you can always add them back when and if you’re ready for a platonic friendship. Consider deleting images and saving them to a flash drive that you can put out of sight and out of mind.
I hope this helps! Breaking up is never easy so be gentle with yourself, and practice self–care and self–love.
Ps: Share this with a friend who is going through a breakup or is getting ready to go through one.