Click here to watch my video on “How to Break Up With Someone”
If Things Aren’t Working Out, This Is How You Break It Off…
Getting dumped is never fun, but people tend to forget that initiating the breakup can be equally as awful. Sure, you’re in control over what you say, but that doesn’t leave you immune to the guilt, angst, grief or combination of all three that can come from breaking up with someone.
If things just aren’t working out, here’s how to break it off…
Before you break up
Think about where and when to break up with him. Have respect for the situation and if you cared about him deeply or even loved him, do it at his home or residence so you can leave when you are ready. Doing it in person is always best when it’s with someone you have invested a lot of time with.
If it has been more of a casual relationship, or with someone you have not dated exclusively, then over the phone is fine. And when I mean over the phone, I mean a phone call. Don’t text and don’t email. That’s just ruthless and can be misinterpreted.
During the breakup
Think about the things you loved during your time with him and acknowledge those during your conversation. Be open and honest and tell him that there’s no easy way to do this. It can hurt knowing you are hurting him, so tell him that.
If he begs you to change your mind, remind him that he should not have to convince someone to be in a relationship with him. He deserves better.
If he seems angry, commit to staying calm and realize that anger is a secondary emotion usually masking hurt, pain and rejection. All of which he is probably feeling right now!
If he promises to change, remind yourself that this is a common reaction to a breakup. You’ve likely already been asking for changes, going to therapy or doing whatever you can to make it work. The time to make changes has probably already come and gone, and your frustration caused by not seeing change has probably led you to break up with him in the first place.
After the breakup
Tell your friends and family right away. Prioritize your physical and emotional health and make sure you are getting proper sleep, diet and exercise, as well as quality time with supportive friends. You might consider taking time for yourself. Cry it out if you need and turn to supportive people in your life. Just don’t self-medicate with drugs, alcohol, rebound sex, stalking your ex on social media or frequently trying to contact them.
Make a game plan for social media
We live in an era where we can “see” people every day if we choose. We can see status updates, photos, videos, etc. all over social media.
Be sure to address your social media accounts asap. If it’s an amicable breakup, you may want to agree on a day to change your relationship status so that it gives you both time to share the news with friends and family before they see it publicly. After this, you may want to block/remove/unfriend for now, since no one successfully goes from lovers to friends overnight. It will also be harder to get over him if you are constantly seeing him in your social feed.
Remind yourself you can always add them back if and when you’re ready for a platonic friendship. Consider deleting images and saving them to a flash drive so they are out of sight and out of mind.
Don’t just distance yourself in life, take social media out of the picture so you can both get over each other and move on.
Breaking up is never easy when true feelings and relationships have developed. Be open, honest and respectful of the other person, no matter how easy or hard the breakup is on you!