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Law Of Attraction: Find A Financially Secure Man
I wanted to talk to you about how to attract a financially successful man without appearing greedy. This is a hot topic because I’m tired of the whole gold digger term and how it has a bad name. I think of it as you should dig for gold. Why wouldn’t you go for the best in life? We’d want to give the term gold digging a new meaning behind it because it’s a great term. If you ever watched the Olympics and you see the athletes and how hard they try and they deserve to be in that number one spot for a reason. Getting the gold is important and I want to go for the gold in life. I want the best of the best. That’s what I want for you. I want you to expect that you can get it. Sometimes in that process of going for the gold, it looks like that a woman is gold digging. What that would mean is looking for a man to take care of her and feeling entitled and not giving anything back. That’s where that gold digging term got a bad rap is from women not offering anything in return or a man not feeling appreciated.
The Issue Of Finances
Does money matter when it comes to love? It does. A lot of women who are looking at starting over a new beginning in a relationship, it’s already hard emotionally, but then you add in the money factor, the finances and we all know it’s a big issue. Finding a man that’s financially secure is important because as a successful woman if you have it all together, you want someone who’s right there with you. Those of you who don’t feel that you have it all together, I’m going to cover both sides of that coin. One of the big biggest issues in a relationship can be finances and it can cause a lot of problems. Being transparent upfront is important. I’m going to give you some real-world examples and role model for you and how you can talk about your finances on dates. If you’re looking to meet a man who’s financially successful, but you don’t want to come across as greedy, I want you to know that you’re not. You’re smart and you want someone that’s your equal at least. You want someone that has committed to a path in life that has created abundance.
In order to create that abundance, we all know what it takes. It takes hard work. It takes consistency. It takes foresight. It takes sacrifice. It takes considering the bigger picture. It takes planning. It takes education. There are many factors that go into what it takes and what it means to be a financially successful person. It certainly has a lot to do with the character because that’s how you grow character. How you create a character is by striving, working hard and building something that gives you character along the way. I want all of you to go for the gold, to set your intention to meet a man that is financially successful because that would mean to me that he has contributed or spent a lot of his time planning out carefully and meticulously his future. He thought about perhaps his children and how he wanted them to go to college. How his lifestyle was going to be for him and his family or for himself and what his dreams were. That says a lot about a person and that’s important. It’s important as a woman and it says a lot about me as well and it reflects on me.You can't quantify your value and worth by a stack of money. Money is love energy made manifest. Click To Tweet
I want to share a little story before I go any further about my history because I always liked to be transparent with you. Some of you might say, “Jaki, how can you share things if you’re so open and transparent?” It’s easy and I’m going to tell you why it’s easy before I tell you what I’m going to tell you. It’s because I’m not identified with what I’m going to tell you. It’s not who I am. It doesn’t define me. At one time in my life, it did define me. I did think it was the role that I was playing. That’s why it’s easier for me to share this with you because I know how much it’s going to benefit you by telling you a little bit about my background. I grew up in an economically-challenged situation. I was from a large family. We were on welfare. I remember standing in line with my mother waiting for powdered milk. That’s a true story. I used to be afraid at night that I wasn’t going to have food the next day. I was scared about that. As you can imagine, I had a lot of fear around money and around lack and scarcity because of that. I also had a drive down deep in my belly that I was going to pull myself out of that and create something fantastic in my life because of that.
The thing that started off to be challenging for me as a child and instilled a lot of fear in me also created the drive that I needed to overcome those financial challenges as a child. This isn’t about my parents. They did the best they could, but things happen. That was my situation. It was important for me to marry a man that was financially successful because I haven’t experienced that as a child. That was a driving force for me. All of you have a different history and that may not be your driving force. When I say driving force, the root cause that caused me to strive to have more and to want a man that was financially successful originated from my childhood and it originated from scarcity and lack and fear. It was a fear-based desire to have money so that I would never have to experience those things again. What I ended up doing was working hard. I got a degree in the school of hard knocks before I graduated from grade school. I had learned through trial and error what worked and didn’t work and started to find success for me even as a child.
My first job was pulling around my little red wagon selling doilies that I crocheted that went over a Barbie’s body and it covered the roll of toilet paper. That was my first job. I was an entrepreneur when I was six years old. My grandmother taught me how to crochet. From there, I was an entrepreneur. I started making money when I was a little girl and that was my first job. Why I’m telling you this is that you want to look at your motivation and your desire, which is good. I don’t want you to label your desire to have a financially successful man in your life as bad. That desire started as a fear-based desire, but it still drove me to do things in my life so that I wouldn’t have those experiences. More importantly, I wanted my children to have the opportunities that I didn’t have. That was big for me. The family was everything to me because I was from a big family. I wanted a financially successful man because I wanted my children to have the opportunities that I didn’t have or that I had to work hard to get. That’s my history in terms of why I have the opinions I have. These are all my opinion. My perception is based on my life experiences and the education that I have and what I’ve learned and what I’m channeling for my spirit to share with you.
You want to temper everything I say with that. We all have a different opinion, but this is my opinion and I’m sticking to it. Going back to talking to you about are you frowned upon by wanting a man who’s financially successful and how do you do that without appearing greedy? First of all, you have to look at your value system and you have to look at yourself personally if you value yourself. If you value yourself and you know your worth, you know that you’re worth cannot be quantified in dollars. You can’t say, “I’m worth $150,000. I’m worth $500,000. I’m worth $1 million. I’m worth $1 billion so that I can get a billionaire or I can get a millionaire.” You can’t quantify your value and worth by a stack of money. Money is love energy made manifest. It’s an exchange of energy. What you have to do if it’s important to you that you have a man that’s financially successful for whatever reason and however successful you want him to be. It doesn’t matter because your desires. You have the right to want what you want and expect that you will get it. It starts with expecting that you will get it. You have to expect that you deserve these things in life.
Let’s go back to your value systems. You have to value yourself and know your worth and not try to compare yourself to a bank account. What you do have to do is you have to bring something to the table. I talked to my husband about this. He was a guest speaker on one of my private client calls and he was emphatic and clear about it. He did not mind sharing expenses. He didn’t mind and does not mind paying for everything, but he was clear that he wanted to feel that he was appreciated. He wanted to be respected. He wanted to always feel that way. If that wasn’t there, then he would feel resentful. Then he wouldn’t be inspired to provide because he wants to provide and he provides for me. I love that and I appreciate it so much. We have that balance.
There needs to be a genuine appreciation for a man and what he provides and what he can bring to the table. I was reading this statistics and I wanted to share with you that dating is expensive for men. The cost of dating according to research is about $7,000 a year at the minimum. That includes twelve movie dates, three apology flower deliveries and a new wardrobe when she improves him. The costs add up if he’s looking for love, then there are trips. Men are investing in you when they’re out there online dating because they have to pay for the meals and they have to pay for the little gifts and the little trips and all in an attempt to win you. They know that they have to pull out their wallet. What you need to do is be on the receiving end of that, receiving that with a genuine appreciation and with genuine gratitude. Most importantly is that you feel worthy of those gifts.You have the right to want what you want and expect that you will get it. Click To Tweet
I feel that’s a lot of the problem that women have that it hangs them up because they don’t feel worthy and they sabotage it by pulling out their wallet, offering to pay or by forgetting to say thank you or not gushing. You should gush over something that a man does. Everybody loves to feel appreciated, especially men. Especially when what they are bringing to the table is something that is important to you. As long as you’re coming across as grateful, authentic, genuine and you know your worth and you hold yourself in a high value, you’re transparent about your situation, a man will be inspired to take care of you and by the best means that he has. He will give you everything that he has and then it’s going to be up to you to decide if that is going to be sufficient. We want to settle at some point. Settling is a fabulous word. I know a lot of people say don’t settle. I’m like, “I say settle when you find an amazing man and you look at your lifestyle and what he’s offering and it’s a match. You settle.” You say, “I’ll take it.” You say, “I do,” as fast as you can. You want to keep that settling word in mind because it’s a good word.
You’re not bringing to the table and being transparent. You’re not going to disclose your financial situation on a first date. You’re certainly not going to share anything negative. You’re going to have to temper that with the boundary rule that I’ve shared with you. You share a little bit. You see how it’s received. If they share a little bit, then they see how you receive it and then you share a little bit more. That’s how you know it’s safe. That’s a boundary. You don’t share everything. You don’t dump everything. You don’t tell a man, “My credit cards are maxed out. I’m not going to be able to afford to join you on that trip.” You don’t say things like that. If a man invites you on a trip and he says, “I’d love to take you skiing.” You say, “That sounds amazing. I would love to go. I’m excited. Thank you so much for thinking of me. Unfortunately, I probably have to take a rain check because it’s not in my spending plan this month.”
I want you to use that phrase so you can let them know that it’s not in your spending plan, but you would love to go, then it’s up to them. It’s on them to decide whether or not they want to cover the cost of the entire trip. If it’s not something they can afford, maybe they’ll say, “Maybe another time,” and you’ll say, “I would like that,” and then you can go home and think about that. Always use that spending plan phrase instead of, “I can’t afford it.” “I can’t afford it,” is speaking in the lack, where, “It’s out of my spending plan,” speaks into you have a plan but it’s not on the plan this month. You deserve to have a man that is your equal. If you are a woman who’s successful financially, you want a man who’s equally as successful. I don’t want you to take on men that you end up taking care of because you’ll end up resenting them. You’re not getting any younger. You need to have that balance, that masculine energy. Eventually, he’s going to come to resent you because you’re holding the purse strings. That’s my opinion. I definitely don’t recommend that you get involved with a man who has less money than you do unless there are special circumstances.
I’m going to say that there’s always a gray area for everything that I’m teaching. It’s not an exact science. Generally speaking, you want to have enough self-esteem to know that you can attract a man who’s on your level financially unless you consciously choose to not do so. If you did that, then you would want to have a transparent conversation with your man about what the expectations are and what the budget’s going to be and then it can totally work. It’s all about communication. It’s all about responsible communication and transparency and boundaries. If you have a lot of money and he doesn’t and you decide you’re going to get into that relationship, you need to have boundaries. You need to not turn over the reins to everything to him. You need to set boundaries and let him know what those boundaries are and if he could live within them.
Not Being Financially Successful Yourself
I want to cover the situation that’s opposite. You don’t have any money and he does. You want to date a guy that’s financially successful, but maybe you’re not so much. What I’m going to say about that is I’d like you to start working on a plan so you can feel more confident about your financial situation. I already shared that I’ve had to start over three times in my life and maybe more. I spent a lot of money, got into debt and then I had to pay it all off and start over. I went up and then I went down, then I went back up and I went back down. The great thing about being down is when you’re down the view is great, because the only way you can go is up. There are a lot of things you learn on the way down that you can use when you go all the way back up. If you go down, you can go back up. The important thing is to remember that.
If you are starting over again after a divorce or you’re widowed or you’re starting out and wanting to get married for the first time, you need to have a plan. Having a plan is going to give you self-esteem. First of all, a lot of women don’t even want to look at their checkbook. They’re like, “I don’t want to look. I don’t even want to look and see what’s in there.” You have to stop that. You have to have awareness. You have to rip that bandage off and confront things. When you’re not looking at your checking account, you’re not addressing these things. I don’t care how dire it is. You’re not being intimate with yourself. There’s the problem right there. You’re not even being intimate with your situation. How can you start to correct it if you won’t look at it? It’s not who you are, it’s a situation that you’re going through. Don’t play the role of the poor woman, broke. That’s a role that your mind has you play. You’re much more than that. You’re not your money. You’re not your hair. You’re not your body. You’re a spiritual being having a human experience. You’re your God self.When you're down, the view is great because the only way you can go is up. Click To Tweet
When you come at all your problems in life from that perspective, the possibilities are infinite. It’s unlimited. If you got yourself in this little mindset where like, “My bank account looks bleak.” You need to have a plan. Reach out to somebody that you know that may be savvier with her finances and ask her to help you lay out a plan. Be transparent. Tell them, “I need some help. I made some choices in my life that weren’t the best and the consequence is then that I don’t have a lot of money. I need to have a plan so I can feel better about that situation.” That’s going to make you feel much better by admitting the fact that you are in this situation, to begin with. Honesty is emotional intimacy. It’s what you’re leaning into. Start with being honest with yourself. Laying out what have and start taking some concrete steps to move forward so that you can feel better about your situation.
You can’t quantify your value in comparison to money. I wholeheartedly, 100% recommend that you date men that are financially successful and here’s why. It says a lot about their character. It says a lot about all of our character. A man that works hard, that has foresight, that’s planning for the future, he’s thinking of how he’s going to provide and protect you, that is a man who has a lot of character and those are important things to him. Those are things that I admire in a man. As long as you present that in a way, the attitude that I’m presenting right now, a man will not misinterpret your intentions for wanting a great lifestyle as a gold digger, because you’re not. Let them say what they’ll say. People used to call me that. I’d say, “Heck, yes.” I want the best out of life. I want the best for my family. I want the best for my children. I want the best for my clients. I want to be a great role model. I want it all. I want to experience everything in life. I want the gold and I want you to go for the gold.
If you want to call me a gold digger, then you go right ahead because that’s great. I do. Let’s get rid of that negative connotation of that term and let’s blow it up. Go for the gold. Make sure you come from gratitude, from appreciation, from having a plan that you’re willing to work hard to pull yourself out of whatever situation you’re in. Have integrity. Don’t let that define you. You’re not your victims. I had somebody write in and I encourage you to write in and ask me questions so that I can answer them. Here’s her question. She said, “Should a woman look for a financially secure man if she’s not financially secure herself?” Yes. Why would you look for somebody who’s not financially secure? All you’re going to be doing is fighting about money and it says a lot about his character. Knowing that you’re going to be working on this piece for yourself, I recommend yes. She also goes on to say, “I understand that women who have it altogether want their equal. What about those who don’t have it all together financially and may even be in a financial pickle? Should they look for their equal, a man who’s in the same insecure financial boat?”
No, I don’t want you to argue for your limitations. I want you to speak into what you want as if it’s already happened. Fake it until you make it, if you can understand that term. It’s all about your perception of your worth. This is where it’s all coming from. There’s somebody telling you or somebody’s told you or you’re telling yourself you’re your worst critic, that you’re not enough or that you don’t have enough. Your value can’t be quantified in dollars. You’re priceless. You’re a priceless jewel. You’re such a treasure beyond belief and men treasure and adore women. You have to remember that we make each other better and we need each other. You have to know your value because if you don’t know your value, how can a man see your worth if you can’t see it? Work on building up that self-esteem and that self-worth. It’s a perception. That you can change and you can believe that you are a high value, a high worth woman who’s rich beyond belief. You have qualities. You have your integrity. You have your personality. You have your connections to your source. You have your wits. You have your intellect. You have many things and many qualities.
There’s one more question. She’s asking, “Should she be honest and tell a guy about her financial situation?” Not at the front because it’s not appropriate. You don’t tell somebody on a first, second or third date about your finances. You don’t even know if you’re going to go out with him again. You only start talking about those things if you’ve agreed to be inclusive. He can already tell your financial situation by the car you drive, by the clothes you wear, that house you live in and by how you talk. What you say is giving him indications. He’s picking up all the cues. When you walk into a restaurant, he notices your purse. Men aren’t that dumb, they are smart. They can tell what’s going on with you. It’s okay if you don’t have a Gucci bag, you don’t need that. What you need is you. You need to be you. You need to come from truth, integrity, appreciation and that is going to connect. That’s worth its weight in gold. If you have a golden heart, that’s what a man wants. He wants a real woman with a heart of gold and that’s what he’s looking for and he’s willing to pay for that. He’s willing to provide for you if you have a heart of gold.
That’s what my husband has. He has a heart of gold and so does I. We’re a perfect match. He said that he’s inspired to take care of women. He always has been like that. He’s generous, but he expects appreciation. He expects me to bring something to the relationship, and I do. I bring my awareness. I bring my presence. I listen. I modify my behavior if it’s not working. I’m sensitive to his needs and wants. I consider his children. I consider him. He’s my best friend. I am always thinking about him and he’s always thinking about me. I know that he feels loved and appreciated by me and that inspires him to take care of me and do the things for me.Your value can't be quantified in dollars. You’re a priceless jewel and a treasure beyond belief. Click To Tweet
One last question, “When men spend on dates, there’s a sense that the date owes something more than a thank you.” That’s a perception. That’s something that’s going on in your mind that your mind’s made up. You can’t speak for everybody. You can only speak for yourself. Somewhere along the way, you’ve got some incorrect thinking. There’s nothing wrong with you if you got some incorrect thinking because it’s a belief system. You don’t have to believe it if you don’t want to. What you owe him on a date is to be present. You owe him to be courteous. You owe him to be grateful. You say thank you. You owe him to be interested in him and interested in what he’s talking about. That’s what your obligation is. You’re obligated to show up as your best self. That is the reciprocation. He’s going to provide the atmosphere and the goodies and you’re going to provide the energy and the beauty, your beautiful inner self and that golden heart. That’s the energy exchange. Money is love energy made manifest. Your heart is love energy made manifest.
Remember that you are worth much. Know it, believe it and it will be so. The timing of intimacy comes into the picture. Is this the negative image of a bought woman? The timing of intimacy comes into the picture. She’s referring to physical intimacy and if a man gives you presence and you sleep with him, are you being bought? I’m like “No, I don’t think that either.” However, it depends. I hope this was helpful. Like my page, so you receive the notifications that we can connect on a regular basis. Jump over to my website if you want to find some tools that I teach. I always send your replies to my emails. Let me know your questions so that I can answer them. Thank you so much for being here. Remember that I’m sending you lots and lots of love. I love you and I mean it.