One of the most frustrating things about dating is when you end up wasting time. It happens a lot when we are younger because we just don’t spot the red flags early on. We don’t have the important discussions upfront. Or maybe we let things slide that aren’t as easy to ignore when we get older.

But even a seasoned dater may not know exactly how to fast-track commitment, so I wanted to give you some of my favorite tips to keep you from wasting your time and really get to where you want to be in a relationship. 

1. Be clear about what you’re looking for from the beginning. 

I don’t want you to feel awkward about doing this because it’s really an important step. When you’re honest upfront, it gives him the chance to be honest, too. And frankly, it can keep both of you from wasting time. 

When you initially talk on the phone, let him know what you’re looking for when you’re dating. Say, “I’m excited about starting a family someday” or “” I’m excited to find someone to spend my life with.” Then ask, “What about you?” Most men will be honest here and let you know what they want from dating. If your answers aren’t the same, then you know right off the bat that you aren’t a match. Be polite and wish him luck.

2. Believe what you hear.  

If he says he’s looking for casual dating, then don’t try to convert him. There is a very slim chance that he will decide he wants more from you, and you don’t want to waste your time. You want what you want. So don’t settle. You’ll just be disappointed in the end. 

3. Observe his actions.  

When you’re dating, sometimes fear of commitment or other hang-ups will show up when you get closer to someone. Make sure his actions match the words. You deserve someone who follows through, and you want someone you can depend on. If he’s making plans for several months down the road—“We should go to that concert together this summer”—then see what he does to follow through on that idea. 

4. Consider a reasonable time frame for moving forward, and stick with it.  

So many women ask me what is an acceptable amount of time to go from dating to being exclusive to getting engaged to getting married. It’s whatever you feel comfortable with. As you age, you may tighten the time frame because you’ll spot the red flags faster. And yes, it’s OK to get married in 6 months, especially if everything is clicking. 

Follow your gut. It’s called “women’s intuition” for a reason. It’s strong. It’s aligned with your truth. And it will never mislead you! 

Love, 

Jaki

You should only date men who lift you up, build your self-esteem, and make you a better person. Period.  

If you are constantly feeling like he is jealous, is intimidating you, or making you feel like you need to change who you are, then he is not who you want to build a relationship with.  

Here are 4 red flags you’re dating a jealous man… 

1. Feeling the need to change yourself. If you feel you are dimming your own light to make him feel better about himself, this is a red flag. Don’t ever change who you are, and especially don’t dim your light to make him feel brighter and happier.   

2. Constant overexplaining. You shouldn’t be questioned about every situation and you definitely shouldn’t find yourself constantly overexplaining unnecessary things. There should be a deep level of trust and understanding between both parties, so you don’t have to explain yourself when it’s not necessary.   

3. Comparison. You shouldn’t be comparing yourself to other people, and he shouldn’t be comparing you to anyone either. No ex, no visionary “dream” woman, no one! He should love you for who you are. 

4. Too Nosy. A tell-tale sign of a jealous man is one that is nosy. A man who digs through your things out of suspicion and wants in on every detail of your life is jealous. You deserve your privacy and deserve to be trusted when you are dating someone. 

If you find that you are dating a jealous man, then here’s my advice and solution for you today: vote with your feet and leave the relationship! 

Click here to take the CommitmentQuiz.com and discover what is keeping you from a committed relationship 

We all know women who seem to just have a “way” with men. 

Yes, some of us are just born with it.  

The good news is, you can LEARN it…and once you do, you’ll surprise yourself with how fast you catch on! You can be one of “those” women who always seems comfortable and always seems to have the attention of every man in the room!   

Women who attract and keep men know that it’s all about these four principles of seduction: 

• Appreciation: 

You can’t lay this on thick enough. Men love to play the hero, even when the heroic act is something as simple as vacuuming or picking up dinner. Treating these everyday actions like he just carried you up Mt. Everest will do wonders for his mood…and make him a shoo-in to keep WANTING to do more for you! 

• Admiration:

Tell him you admire something he’s doing. Example: “I really admire how attentive you are to your kids.” This will make him feel like a man – something they all crave – and he will connect that to you. Besides, who doesn’t adore someone who tells them they’re doing something well?  

• Acceptance:

You need to remember that it’s important to convey to a man that you accept him for who he is, not what he can do for you. In fact, the more accepted he feels, the more likely it is that he will want to do more for you! You won’t even have to ask!  

• Affection: 

I don’t know a man in the world that doesn’t want a woman to touch him. Think of ways to introduce more incidental but meaningful physical contact into your days. Stroke his arm as you walk by, steal a quick kiss, tousle his hair gently…whatever feels right to you. We all need to be touched and embraced, and the more you do it, the more connected you’ll both feel. 

It’s ok to start slowly with these! Try one at a time and see the changes…you’ll be excited to build from there, I promise!  

Before you know it, other women will be looking at YOU and thinking “Wow, how does she DO that?” 

xo,  

Jaki 

Click here to take the CommitmentQuiz.com and discover what is keeping you from a committed relationship 

Oh my. I have so much to share with you about my anniversary date with Michael! 

It began with dessert first! I made our favorite a “Lilikoi Cake” a.k.a., passionfruit, which we served at our wedding. Then we headed out to a wildly romantic dinner at a new restaurant called Del Friscos, on the San Diego Harbor. As we dined, we reminisced about our honeymoon to Lake Louise, and our other trips to far-flung places like Greece, Italy, New York, and Montana. I was struck by the realization that our relationship has just been so easy. We get along so well. Michael continues to go out of his way to make me happy. I couldn’t stop gazing at my handsome husband across the table.  

 You may wonder, how did I get so lucky?

Luck had nothing to do with it!   

I was brave and jumped into internet dating even though it made me nervous. And once Michael and I started seeing more of each other, I took the right steps all along the way by speaking my truth, practicing the tools I teach, staying grounded in who I am and not turning myself inside out during our courtship. I still don’t! 

It’s not luck, it’s work, to be the happiest couple I know and lead a wonderful life. It’s the work of listening to each other, being kind, allowing each other space, communication – but none of this is a chore. When you’re with your soulmate, you know that even the tough stuff is for the greater good of your relationship, and that is a priceless feeling. 

I’m telling you all this in the hope that it will inspire you to take that leap, that step that can ultimately lead you to your own Michael. 

Tonight, I am coming to you from “boudoir!”  I am putting on some makeup and anticipating a romantic dinner out with my husband, and my thoughts started to wander. 

I began to think about how my life has changed for the better over the years…and how different things could have been if I hadn’t been brave enough to vanquish my fears of meeting men online! 

I remembered the butterflies in my stomach as I approached Eddie V.’s, knowing that Michael was waiting inside. We had had such an electric first conversation the night before that I was nervous that we couldn’t sustain it. The minute I saw him sitting in the restaurant window, my anxiety overtook me, and I almost turned and ran…but I didn’t. Instead, I took a deep breath, put a smile on my face, and walked to the table. And THANK GOODNESS FOR THAT!!! 

I was overjoyed to find that the man I “knew” virtually was even better live and in person. He was a perfect gentleman and we had a wonderful time! A little–known fact about me is that when I’m nervous, or when my intuition is speaking to me my lower lip twitches a LOT. That night my lip was going crazy, and I knew why. I had a good feeling about Michael, and my intuition was confirming how I felt. My lip was going so crazy, in fact, that I was afraid that Michael could see it! That date ended with a promise for another, which led to another…and, well, you know how this story ends…and here we are happier than ever and ready to celebrate our anniversary.

Celebrating is important. It’s a time to pause and reflect on what has been with appreciation and gratitude. I reflect in wonder at the last 8 years with Michael. Being with him has changed my life. He’s been my rock, steadfast and dependable, and because of this I’ve been able to blossom in ways that I hadn’t experienced before – and you are benefiting from that!  

Michael is totally supportive of me and my dedication to helping women and that means the world to me! My appreciation and respect for him deepens each day as our love for each other grows.   

 And it’s all because we both took a chance at finding love on the internet. It DOES work!  

If you’re over 50 and looking for love, I have some tips for you! It doesn’t matter if you’re 50, 59, gray, blonde, short, tall, divorced, or never been married, there is somebody out there for everyone. The right man is out there looking for you! 

So have fun dating! Don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and look for new friendships and relationships.   

Here are 5 tips every single woman over age 50 needs to remember… 

1. Focus on the present. Whether you’re striking up a first conversation, on a first date or on your 20th date with a man, make sure you stay in the moment. Don’t bring up the past. Bringing up the past only brings toxicity and confuses the man. He will be turned off and start wondering if you have attachment problems, wondering if you’re really ready for a new relationship and will question whether you are emotionally stable enough to be with him. 

Sure, you can talk about your history and how it’s shaped who you are, but just share little bits. Most men aren’t looking for your life story on the first date. They want to know if you are available to them, so share a little, see how it’s received, then share a little bit more as the relationship progresses.   

Remember, living in the middle age of your life is all about making the most of every moment. Living your best life and being fun! That’s what men over 50 are looking for! They are looking for women who are inviting, fun and are living in their feminine energy. 

2. Maintain positive and feminine energy. Having positive and feminine energy means staying relaxed, going with the flow, being upbeat and low maintenance. As women, we tend to want to control situations. We want to know every detail and every timeline about every situation (not all women, but a lot of us naturally are planners at heart). Let go of this when you’re dating! Show up to dates relaxed and at ease. 

Let the man plan and surprise you! You don’t need to know every detail of the date or situation beforehand.  Go with the flow and let him lead the date and conversations. Stay in receiving mode and you’ll see and learn so much about his temperament too. 

When you catch yourself over thinking situations or conversations, you start losing your heart center and feminine intuition. Don’t get stuck in “thinking mode,” because it’s dangerous. It will bring about comparison and competition and no man wants that.  

3. Release attachment to the end result. Along with letting go of being controlling, is detaching your thinking from the way you think things should always be—being able to release attachment to the end result.  

Don’t get caught up on how you think things should go in your mind. Don’t set timelines in your head or relationship expectations according to what you think should happen. Let the dating and relationship blossom naturally and you won’t be disappointed.  

When you go on a date, you don’t know exactly how it will turn out. And that’s what makes dating fun and interesting! Don’t be high maintenance. You can’t control whether the restaurant food is perfect or the hike he has planned gets rained out. So let go of the expectations! 

4. Give men encouragement. A little encouragement goes a long way. Appreciate a man and value the way he treats you. Compliment his outfit or the way he handled a situation. Tell him how you admire him and your love and relationship will only grow stronger.

5. Stay away from criticism. The older we get, the easier it is to get stuck in our ways. Sometimes we might be tempted to give constructive criticism in a situation but remember this can come across as bossy and/or critical. A man doesn’t want to spend another decade or two with a woman who is judgy and critical. 

Give him the benefit of the doubt, especially in the beginning. Don’t carry past hurt into a new relationship and slip into your old way of thinking (expecting him to handle things the way your ex did).   

Remember, a perfect man doesn’t exist. You create a perfect relationship, so don’t be too critical of him.  

Alright, with these tips in mind, you’re ready to take on dating in your 50s! Show up, be impeccable, beautiful, genuine, authentic and don’t be afraid to be you. Be clear about what you want, don’t give in to deal breakers, and be open to love. Your true love is out there! 

September has arrived, and with it, kids all over the country are loading up their backpacks for a new round of learning. 

Even if it’s been years since you’ve set foot into a classroom, today, I’m taking you back school to learn the “3 R’s” – but they’re NOT reading, writing, or arithmetic!

These 3 R’s are going to unlock the power of your feminine energy in a way you’ve never experienced before, and it’s this power that will finally allow you to get close to your dream man. 

Our first R stands for one of my favorite words – RELAX! 

It seems to me that humanity is having a crisis of fear and anxiety. Fear about the future, anxiety about past mistakes…and constantly living in a heightened state of “what if?” Imagine if you became an exception to this way of living? Start appreciating the moment and watch your magnetism soar! I don’t have enough space in this blog post to enumerate all the studies that show what men want most from women is to have fun! If you approach dating with a deep breath and a commitment to go with the flow, instead of walking on eggshells and worrying about “where things are going,” YOU will enjoy yourself more, and so will HE. In fact, he probably won’t be able to get ENOUGH of you! Men want to be around women who feel great about themselves and spread that positivity to them! Dating is supposed to be a positive experience, not a long slog that you force yourself through.  

Next up – Receive.  

This is a tough one for many successful, self-sufficient women like you. But I’m telling you, it’s a biggie! Cultivating your ability to receive gracefully will allow you to surrender to what’s unfolding in your relationship, without feeling the urge to be controlling or putting forth some masculine energy. Allow yourself to accept what he’s offering! Give this essential feminine quality the space to bloom. When you do, it’s a win-win – he gets to be your hero, while you get to see how (and IF!) he will step up. This is a CRITICAL piece of information that can help you see if this guy is a long-term fit for you! Besides, sometimes it’s just lovely to let someone else “take care of business.”  

The final R is for Radiate. 

I want you to remember this important fact: your value is not in prancing around trying to get others to accept you. Your worth is in your own self-love and self-acceptance. So, start acting like it! Nurture your soul, take care of your body and mind, and put the world on alert that yeah, you really ARE worth it. When you fall in love with yourself, the men will fall right in line behind you! They love a confident woman who sees the value within her soul. It’s ironic that it’s often when you feel fulfilled on your own, Mr. Right waltzes right in to add the icing on the cake. I have seen it happen time and again!  

There you have it. RELAX. RECEIVE. RADIATE.  

Sounds like a great way to live, doesn’t it?  

xo 

Jaki  

Getting dumped is never fun, but people often tend to forget that initiating the breakup can also be pretty awful — yes, you’re in control, but that doesn’t leave you immune to guilt, angst, grief, or some deeply unpleasant combo of all the above. 

Here’s a few tips to follow to pave the way for the most conscious breakup possible.  

Before Breakup – where to do it. 

If you cared about him and or even loved him do it at his place so you can leave when you are ready. 

If you dated a few times and became exclusive but not a lot of time invested it’s ok to call him. Worst case scenario is in a text. but that’s pretty ruthless. 

During – Be straightforward. 

Script:  “There’s no easy way to do this, and it hurts me to know I’m hurting you, but I need to end this relationship.” 

If they beg you to change your mind – Someone shouldn’t have to beg or convince you to love them or be with them. 

If they get angry –  Remember that only you can control your behaviors and emotional responses. Commit to staying calm and realize that anger is a secondary emotion, usually masking hurt, pain, and rejection. 

If they get sad –  You can make an empathetic comment, such as, “ know this is really hard on you, and that it’s not what you want to hear. I’m so sorry to hurt you.” 

If they promise to change –  This is a common reaction to a breakup: Your partner will make promises, whether it’s to change, go to therapy, or do whatever you want to make it work. However, these types of changes should have already been discussed before you actually decided to break up. 

After – Tell your friends and family right away. Prioritize your physical and emotional health. The most important coping skills involve managing your physiological needs for proper sleep, diet, exercise, and quality time with supportive friends. You may also want some time to yourself to cry it out. Just don’t self-medicate with drugs, alcohol, rebound sex, stalking your ex on social media, or frequently contacting him. 

Make a game plan for social media – If it’s an amicable breakup, you may want to agree on a day to change your relationship status, giving you both time to share the news with friends and family before they see it publicly. After this, you may want to block/remove/unfriend, since no one successfully goes from lovers to friends overnight, and remind yourself you can always add them back when and if you’re ready for a platonic friendship. Consider deleting images and saving them to a flash drive that you can put out of sight and out of mind. 

I hope this helps! Breaking up is never easy so be gentle with yourself, and practice self–care and self–love.  

Yours truly, 

Jaki   

Ps: Share this with a friend who is going through a breakup or is getting ready to go through one.