What A Man Needs From A Woman Like You!

Watch the episode here:

What A Man Needs From A Woman Like You!

I hope you enjoyed the interviews with Alison Armstrong and Cherry Norris. They are amazing. Here are a couple of the takeaways that I got from Alison. I liked when she shared about talking about a prince versus a king and a prince is looking for someone to partner with and a king is interested in sharing what he can provide. If you want your king you need to be stepping more into being a queen. What stood out for me the most was that if you want what I’ve got, I’ll give you all I can. Why those stood out to me the most is because sometimes we unconsciously and not meaning to sabotage our opportunity with a man, we present in a way that’s not in alignment with what the man has to offer. I do believe that she’s correct in saying, “If you want what I’ve got? I will give you all I can.”

I’ll use my own life as a real-world example. I want to share that with you because on my dating profile, I had three pictures that were professionally done. One of them was me in a pretty red top. The second one was me in a pair of jeans with a pretty pink blouse sitting on a stool. The third one was me in a long black evening dress standing by a nice red velvet chair. They were nice pictures. The pictures were showing my lifestyle to the man that was looking at them. I was successful at doing that. The long black dress was like, “I can go to formal events and I enjoy dressing up and I’m also casual. I wear jeans. I’ve got this playful top on.” I had a couple of lifestyle shots. That’s what I recommend for you in terms of your online dating profile is five or six pictures.

Why I’m sharing this with you is because when I met Michael, he was asking me about my photos. He wanted to know about that image of me in the long black dress. I didn’t understand why he was asking me at the time, but now this all makes perfect sense and he explained it. He said that after he started dating me, he was concerned that he wouldn’t be able to give me what I wanted with the long black dress that was on my dating profile. When he looked at that, what he saw was a woman who probably wanted to go and expected to go to black tie events, to charity balls, to functions that would support that dress. It’s interesting how he interpreted that photo and how I was interpreting it. He was willing to give me what he had, but he didn’t think that what he had was what I wanted because it looked like that picture I wanted to be escorted to black tie events. Maybe I wanted to live a certain lifestyle and he had already done those things and he wasn’t interested in attending any more charity events. He wasn’t interested in going to any more black tie events per se.

I thought that was fascinating and I’m glad that we had that discussion. Why I’m telling you this is I want you to take a look at your profile pictures and to step into being the queen and being the receiver. The most important thing is to be able to hold that space to receive everything that a man is offering you. You want to make sure your profile pictures are in alignment with what you want to receive. I would say that mine was pretty close. It demonstrated that I could accompany him to a black tie event, but he was definitely concerned that I was still in a space in my life where that was important to me. To tell you the truth, I wasn’t. I wasn’t in a space in my life because I’d already done those things as well. I’d done the charity events at the school functions and the black-tie fundraisers and all of those things that I don’t necessarily feel the need to attend those anymore. I have other philanthropic endeavors that I would rather pursue like a sporting event, Standup for the Cure or the Breast Cancer Walk for Awareness. Those are things that I would enjoy over a black-tie event.

I’m encouraging you to take another look at your profile pictures and make sure that they’re connected to what it is that you want from a man that you’re willing to receive. If you have some images there that don’t represent your lifestyle, then I would go ahead and take those down or swap them out for something that does. The man that has something to offer, your king, if he’s ready to give it to you, it’s a match for what those images are portraying because those images do send a big message all on their own. Without your ability to verbally articulate what the image represents, he is not going to be able to make that connection unless you have the opportunity to talk with him in person like I did with Michael. That’s a connection that I made with Alison’s interview that would be relevant to those of you who are online dating or even being out in the world. Be true to who you are, to what you love to do. Be authentic and the right man for you will show up and offer you what he can provide in terms of your lifestyle.

The other thing is I love Cherry Norris. She is single now after being married. She went through a divorce and she’s incredible the way that she’s done her work. She’s walking her walk. She’s dating, using all of her own tools to show up. The biggest thing that stood out is what she said is to be receiving what he’s offering and how she shares little on a first date because she’s holding that space to see how he’s going to show up. That is exactly what I teach and that’s what I recommend all of you do. The keys to a successful first date is engage in the present moment. Stay in the moment. Here’s a tip and a tool on how you can do that. I use all my senses in the now to help me stay present in the moment. When I was on a date and what I recommend that you do when you’re on dates is to anchor yourself in your chair. Draw your attention to your body. Feel it pressing down into your chair. Feel your arms as they sit on the arms or in your lap. Feel the weight of your clothes. Notice what you smell in the restaurant. If you’re having wine or coffee, tune into that.

Tune into the sounds of the other people that are talking around you. Tune into what’s on the table, what your date is wearing, what he’s saying specifically. Tune in and listen to him not that you’re waiting for your turn to talk, but just so you’re listening to him. He’s going to pick up on that. There’s a big difference between waiting for your turn to talk and listening to what a man is saying. If you’re able to hold that space in that present moment using all of your faculties to do that, you will bring much more presence to the date. It’s incredible when you use these tools to stay self-aware and in the moment. That’s where all your power is. You have an opportunity to make a deep connection with another person, with a man, if you can stay rooted in your body and in the be here now. That’s why we use our body. Our body is our anchor. It’s our guidance system to the present moment and I think you’re going to have a lot of success with that.

There was one question that one of the ladies sent me. I wanted to talk about it. This woman was dating a man for about nine months and she said he was a real gentleman the entire time. He’d been honest, forthright, kind to her, desiring to be married, and consistently very much a gentleman. She said that she wasn’t physically attracted to him at all and that he enjoyed intimacy. She couldn’t get past it and she broke up with him so that he could find someone else and be truly happy. She wanted to know if I’d experienced that or have you known other women that have experienced that? Absolutely. What I wanted to turn that around at the end that she said that she wanted to let him go so that he could find happiness. What about you? What about you finding happiness? That was great that you were thinking of him, but thinking of yourself as well. Ultimately, you need that compatibility in and out of the bedroom. It’s important to have that connection in all areas. It is a huge factor in a relationship. It’s good that you have this experience because it’s giving you the opportunity to know how important it is and to not make those sacrifices for nine months again in your next relationship.

I always say the more you know what you don’t want, the more you know what you do want. There was a real meaningful purpose that nine-month relationship served in her life. The only thing that I would recommend is to shorten that gap. Don’t take nine months to honor yourself and recognize that it’s not working on all levels. It doesn’t mean he’s a bad person. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with either of you, you were just not connecting on that level. You’re not going to connect with everyone on that level and you don’t need to. You only need to connect with one. Ending that relationship as soon as you know that it’s not a fit. Sometimes we do get into intimate sexual relationships after dating and courting for several months and we have to test the waters and see if that’s going to be a full package, a full fit. Sometimes, unfortunately it’s not.

The important thing though is to give you permission to not beat yourself up for that and to acknowledge that you’ve learned a lot about yourself in that process and that a lot of good has come into your life because of those lessons. Jack Canfield says, “Tell the truth fast and hard.” As soon as you know your personal truth, you want to share that with someone. You want to share it with a feather. As soon as she knew that wasn’t going to be something for the bigger picture, the next step would be to set that responsible communication with him. Come from the heart. Share with him that it wasn’t a fit for you and wish him well and be on your way. Tomorrow’s not promised so we have this moment and we want to make the most of it.

As soon as you know your truth, you want to be able to articulate that to the people you’re sharing your life with, especially in the dating process. It’s okay to text a man after a date saying, “Thank you so much. I don’t feel we’re a match. Good luck on your journey,” and go ahead and block him. You’re not obligated to even do that, but it’s a courtesy that you will extend to these men and hopes to get that in return. Sometimes they won’t get back to you and let you know that you’re not a match, but no response is a response. If you don’t hear from a man, it’s his way of saying, “It’s not a match,” and I know that seems unfair and it’s not kind, but men are wired to not hurt our feelings. Don’t take it personally. Move on. The important thing is to not give up. Don’t take a break. Don’t take a timeout. It’s not a sprint, it’s more of a marathon. You’ve got to keep momentum to your dating process. You don’t have to run full out, you want to keep up a steady pace, discovering the information on your dates and starting to apply the information. That’s the key.

The application of the information you’re discovering on the interviews is the key because you’ve probably heard a lot of these amazing speakers before. Maybe you’ve heard me say the same thing as before and you’ve heard other people say it and you’ve read it and you’ve acquired a lot of intellectual knowledge. The key to your success and to getting Engaged at Any Age^® is the application of what you’re learning here. Make sure that you take these nuggets and apply them where they’re appropriate so that you can start seeing the results. These experts are speaking from experience and the strategies do work, but you have to work them. You have to take those steps. I’m sending you all a big kiss, a whole lot of love, to never give up on your dreams and never give up on love because you never know when it’s going to happen to you. It could be tomorrow. Join my community on Facebook by joining my Bridge to Love Group!

Important Links:

• Standup for the Cure

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